Week 1 Recap

Dear Nation,

Many of you, both privately and publicly, poo-pooed not only our methods but the quality of our prognostications in our Week 1 Predictions.  Turns out, with the exception of the tie between Buck Nasty and Marshall (more on that later), we here at the Nation's HQ were 100% correct*.  That's right, we NAILED IT!!!  Will this happen ever week?  Maybe not.  But, also, maybe so.  We are that hot right now.

Now on to this Buck Nasty vs. Marshall match-up.  This was a brutal mess, as these Buck Nasty contenders came out swinging.  They nailed Marshall with a good one-two punch of Matt Forte and Reggie Bush, added a dash AJ Green, and didn't go to bed without dropping a double-dose a Jason Witten on their asses.  Then the Nasty laid off, not wanting to kick another team while they were down.  Then Monday Night Football came along and the Nasty shot an RGIII sized whole in their motherfucking faces.  OUCH!  Marshall's coach has been on a world wide tour for something-er-other, and has now returned to the good old USA, promising to knuckle down and get things in order before everything goes too far off the tracks.  We dare any of you to try to get any more metaphors into one paragraph.  It can't be done.  We tried.

The FightingFighters vs. GreenPointAttack!.  Queens superiority goes to the Fighters.  Not that anyone else really wanted it.  The Fighters love/hate relationship with NY Giants will probably go on all year as they roll back and forth with Victor Cruz (a monster) and David Wilson (a complete dud).  GreenPointAttack's team, for what it's worth, did pretty good, just not good enough.  With the exception of Greg Jennings, who was just not good at all, which is no real surprise.  Now GreenPoint's own love/hate relationship with NY Giants begins as he toils over whether they should start Reuben Randle over Jennings.  So it goes.

The Muslin Sisterhood completely crushed God Hearts SackBags by over 100 points.  That's what the Bags get for starting an injured TE and having one of the least productive WR corps we have ever seen.  It may be an uphill battle all year long for these guys.  To top it all off, their RBs suck too.  Have faith SackBags, you will need it.  Sisterhood needs only look to their QB position to know how they won.  Peyton Manning (the other Manning brother, not the one that wants to be a woman and is in jail for trading government secrets -- we think that one's name is Eli) had a pretty special night on Thursday last week.  We all wished we had P. Manning on our team, and if that wasn't so, we were all glad that we didn't have to play against him.  So, thanks Sackbags for taking one for all of us.  You have the thanks of grateful Nation.

The Ex Presidents vs. Brewcity Bombers.  The Ex Prez came out of the gate like a rocket.  They didn't even need one of their three WRs to catch a pass, which he didn't.  They needn't worry as ancient Anquan Boldin picked up all the slack, and then some.  Vernon Davis and Aaron Rodgers did some of the heavy lifting too.  Meanwhile, the Bombers didn't really have any duds this last week, but they certainly didn't have any stand-out stars either.  They will need to look around for a more viable RB2, in our humble opinion, or they could start Ryan Matthews, plug their nose like everyone else that starts Ryan Matthews, and pray he will finally do something worthwhile.  Just saying.

Warriors vs. SwineFlu.  If the Sisterhood hadn't beat the SackBags so soundly, this match-up would have been our slaughter of the week.  SwineFlu has a lot to play for.  They are usually pretty bad.  Not this year.  They are killer in WR and TE, which is good because they are a little weak in RB.  Add on a little Luck, Andrew Luck that is, and they have a solid team.  Warriors aren't completely lackluster, but they have some weaknesses in TE, DEF, and kicking that they might want to address.  Or they just may want to keep losing.  Up to them.

* We here at the Nation were 100% correct in our predictions except for our picking the Thunderhorses over Mayhem!  We were wrong.  We would like to admit it, but that would ruin our 100% record in picking winners for Week 1, so we won't.  Nice job Thunderhorses in your non-win.  With your wonderful WR crew, racking up a stellar 6.70 points (that's not a piece, that is all three WRs points added together), how could you not win?  Oh, that's right.  You have CJ Spiller as your RB1 that's how can't win.  And the Mayhem!?  They had Larry Fitz back in the action and Shady McCoy rocking the line.  Those two are going to take Mayhem! far this year.  We still hate Billy Cueto.  But you all know that.

There you have it.  Your recap.  Six teams win, six teams lose.  No teams tie.  Onward.

ETL
CSNFFLC