So, there is just under 24 days until the ChopStar Nation Fantasy Football League Draft. There has been a lot of talk about who will be the twelfth member of the Nation for 2010. I have some irons in the fire. It will be a quality choice, I assure you. There just may be a blast from our past...but I've already said too much. Be sure to do some Mock drafts so you know what the fuck you are doing come Sunday, August 22, 2010 at 8 in the p.m. (Eastern Time). Let me know if you need any help with this.
Oh, and I heard from Honcho...he is in for sure in, just hasn't registered yet. He is already making some big claims about winning it all, etc. He talks a lot. Possibly too much.
And, thank you to all you well wishers that saw me on CNN last night talking about the league, our new blog, and the upcoming ChopStar Nation BBQ Sauce, to be sold in all major stores -- Nation Wide. This is a big year for us, all of us.
E. Tyler Lindvall
CSNFFLC
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
A Death in the Family
Today the ChopStar Nation is in mourning.
One of our members is dead. Not technically dead as in no longer living and breathing, but this person is for all intents and purposes dead to us. Billy Cueto has quit the ChopStar Nation. I just got the message last night. He is "too busy" to participate this year. He can't afford the $20 entrance fee "due to these hard economic times." He can't take the "overwhelming sense of failure" he felt by losing all time last year. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So, after a restless night of my vacillating between tears of abject anger and tears of unsurmountable sorrow, I finally mustered the strength and energy to type this update.
Billy Cueto will be missed by one or two of us, or more likely none of us. He is gone. He was the past. We will look only to the future. I know I once said that once a Nationer, always a Nationer. That is no longer true. I spit on the face of Billy Cueto. He is dead to me. He is dead to you. He is dead to all of us. No longer is our motto "once a Nationer, always a Nationer." Now our motto is "don't fuck with the Nation and then there is a very good possibility that we won't fuck with you."
A replacement for the coach of team Mayhem is already in the works. We are still strong. We shall overcome.
I, however, am sad.
Yours,
ETL
CSNFFLC
One of our members is dead. Not technically dead as in no longer living and breathing, but this person is for all intents and purposes dead to us. Billy Cueto has quit the ChopStar Nation. I just got the message last night. He is "too busy" to participate this year. He can't afford the $20 entrance fee "due to these hard economic times." He can't take the "overwhelming sense of failure" he felt by losing all time last year. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So, after a restless night of my vacillating between tears of abject anger and tears of unsurmountable sorrow, I finally mustered the strength and energy to type this update.
Billy Cueto will be missed by one or two of us, or more likely none of us. He is gone. He was the past. We will look only to the future. I know I once said that once a Nationer, always a Nationer. That is no longer true. I spit on the face of Billy Cueto. He is dead to me. He is dead to you. He is dead to all of us. No longer is our motto "once a Nationer, always a Nationer." Now our motto is "don't fuck with the Nation and then there is a very good possibility that we won't fuck with you."
A replacement for the coach of team Mayhem is already in the works. We are still strong. We shall overcome.
I, however, am sad.
Yours,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Rounding the Old League Up to Eight
Hi y'all. We have eight Nationers registered. Christopher Swetala, coach of the Warriors, and Ryan Bartelmay, coach of TheSwineFlu are now card carrying members of the ChopStar Nation 2010. So, we have eight teams registered, and that should mean ETL, CSNFFLC should have $160 hot dollars in the ChopStar Nation kitty. Guess what? I have none. Zero. No one has paid me. Not even me. We are deadbeats. I am going to the ATM and get me some money so I can pay myself. You should all do the same and notify me when you have your flagged $20, so I can rest assured that you've not forgotten me and your beloved Fantasy Football league.
Where is Billy? Where is Sara? Where is Honcho? Where is Farooq? Fuck if I know. Not only do I not have their money, they haven't registered for the league.
This has been ETL, CSNFFLC
Where is Billy? Where is Sara? Where is Honcho? Where is Farooq? Fuck if I know. Not only do I not have their money, they haven't registered for the league.
This has been ETL, CSNFFLC
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Natural Born Quitters
I have this friend, a friend that happens to be a member of the ChopStar Nation (once a Nationer, always a Nationer), but this friend's commitment to Fantasy Football is wavering. Let's call this friend Willy Queto (a pseudonym that is no where near his real name). And this W. Queto is a huge -- HUGE -- football fan. Granted he is mostly a college (GO BIG RED) football fan, but as even WQ would agree, when the Huskers ain't playing just about anything else will do, football is football. I know this because once, late, late at night Willy and I watched a re-run of the previous year's Division II Texas High School State Championship. Now, Willy and I were drunk at the time, too drunk to actually finish the game, but we were still both interested enough to look up the game's results on the internet the following day. That is love of the game.
Now that we've established WQ's love for the game, in all its inceptions, it is painfully hard for me to admit that WQ's love does not transfer to the Fantasy side of the game. Shocking I know. Unbelievable? I agree. I just don't get it. It is like someone claiming to have all the love in the world for man's best friend and then watching that same someone walk up to your own beloved family dog and then swiftly kick that very same dog through a hedge. You would be perplexed. You would be shocked. Most of all you would be angry...spitting mad. You'd want to grab this guy -- let's call him Willy Queto -- by the throat and throttle him. You'd want to throttle him and cause this certain someone as much discomfort as you believed your family dog just experienced as it flew through the air and had the misfortune to go through a hedge before it plummeted back to Earth. But mostly of all you'd want to know why, why Willy Queto, why do you claim to love something, but your actions say the exact opposite?
So, all this being said, I am at a complete loss as how to deal with a Mr. Willy Queto (I use the term Mr. loosely here) when he tells him he didn't have one of the greatest experiences of his entire life participating in the 2009 ChopStar Nation campaign (the campaign to end all campaigns...that is until this year). What is Fantasy Football Commissioner to do with such a wayward soul?
What should we do with our wavering soul?
Sad now.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Now that we've established WQ's love for the game, in all its inceptions, it is painfully hard for me to admit that WQ's love does not transfer to the Fantasy side of the game. Shocking I know. Unbelievable? I agree. I just don't get it. It is like someone claiming to have all the love in the world for man's best friend and then watching that same someone walk up to your own beloved family dog and then swiftly kick that very same dog through a hedge. You would be perplexed. You would be shocked. Most of all you would be angry...spitting mad. You'd want to grab this guy -- let's call him Willy Queto -- by the throat and throttle him. You'd want to throttle him and cause this certain someone as much discomfort as you believed your family dog just experienced as it flew through the air and had the misfortune to go through a hedge before it plummeted back to Earth. But mostly of all you'd want to know why, why Willy Queto, why do you claim to love something, but your actions say the exact opposite?
So, all this being said, I am at a complete loss as how to deal with a Mr. Willy Queto (I use the term Mr. loosely here) when he tells him he didn't have one of the greatest experiences of his entire life participating in the 2009 ChopStar Nation campaign (the campaign to end all campaigns...that is until this year). What is Fantasy Football Commissioner to do with such a wayward soul?
What should we do with our wavering soul?
Sad now.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
A Little Bit Country
Next up is Mr. Ryan Murphy, world famous poet and ex-chain smoker. He is our only coach living out in the wilds and open country this year. So he will be making his picks via carrier pigeon or smoke signal. On a side note, he now writes his poems in the dirt on the side of a dirt road with a stick for none to see. Usually his tears wash away the poem before the wind can whisk them away into oblivion, but sometimes the wind wins out.
The Millbrook Midgets maybe small in stature and manners and good graces, but they are mighty in throwing cowpies and wooing innocent farm maidens. That's what I heard at least.
Welcome mighty Midgets, may you do better than you did last year.
ETL
CSNFFLC
The Millbrook Midgets maybe small in stature and manners and good graces, but they are mighty in throwing cowpies and wooing innocent farm maidens. That's what I heard at least.
Welcome mighty Midgets, may you do better than you did last year.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Greenpoint REPRESENTS!!!
Another ChopStar Nationer has registered. Our 2009 sleeping dark horse, and third place winner, has signed in and changed his team's name. Colin P. Delaney, the coach of 2009's Kirketeers is now the coach of the 2010's TheGreenpointAttack! (all one word and exclamation point required, one can only assumes). Glad to have him aboard. Okay, I am okay with having him aboard.
I joke. I kid. Then I joke again.
Funny note, CPD didn't even know what a football looked before joining the ChopStar Nation, choosing instead to spend his formative years knee deep in interpretive dance and mime. So, that only proves that anyone can get the fantasy football bug and be moderately successful at it.
Another funny note, CPD isn't even close to being moderately successful at anything else, and he recently shared with me that if he didn't have the ChopStar Nation in his life he would most likely end his miserable existence. I told him that leaving Greenpoint would probably help a great deal in turning his doldrums around, but what do I know? He claims that the smell of cabbage is calming to him.
Anyway, keep the hits coming.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
I joke. I kid. Then I joke again.
Funny note, CPD didn't even know what a football looked before joining the ChopStar Nation, choosing instead to spend his formative years knee deep in interpretive dance and mime. So, that only proves that anyone can get the fantasy football bug and be moderately successful at it.
Another funny note, CPD isn't even close to being moderately successful at anything else, and he recently shared with me that if he didn't have the ChopStar Nation in his life he would most likely end his miserable existence. I told him that leaving Greenpoint would probably help a great deal in turning his doldrums around, but what do I know? He claims that the smell of cabbage is calming to him.
Anyway, keep the hits coming.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Monday, July 12, 2010
Team Four
Oh, shit you all. Team four is registered and they are coached by none other than the former apple of my own mom's eye...that is until I be birthed. Now my mom can hardly remember having a son before I. Such is the plight of Scott Sarver Lindvall, coach of the Leaping Lazaruses. Just when we thought no name could be worse than God Hearts Sackbags, along comes coach SSLindvall to put our fears to bed.
S. Sarver Lindvall hasn't paid his $20 fee either. In fact he sent your esteemed league commissioner a note earlier this evening, and I am quoting now, "Can I owe you the $20? You can have one of my kids if I don't pay, but I get to pick which one." Which is now out there in the world, out in the world to be read by the singles of you reading this blog. I hope he gives me the quickest and most sure footed one. Beers don't fetch themselves. Scotch and sodas don't fix themselves.
More tomorrow, I am sure. Sweet dreams for all of you in the ChopStar Nation. Fear and loathing for all you on the outside, wishing and dreaming to be on sweet soft inside.
This has been ETL, CSNFFLC
S. Sarver Lindvall hasn't paid his $20 fee either. In fact he sent your esteemed league commissioner a note earlier this evening, and I am quoting now, "Can I owe you the $20? You can have one of my kids if I don't pay, but I get to pick which one." Which is now out there in the world, out in the world to be read by the singles of you reading this blog. I hope he gives me the quickest and most sure footed one. Beers don't fetch themselves. Scotch and sodas don't fix themselves.
More tomorrow, I am sure. Sweet dreams for all of you in the ChopStar Nation. Fear and loathing for all you on the outside, wishing and dreaming to be on sweet soft inside.
This has been ETL, CSNFFLC
The Third Team
We have our third team registered.
The coach of God Hearts Sackbags, our rather illustrious winner of the ChopStar Nation 2009, has graced us by registering his team this very afternoon. He is currently unemployed and probably has little else to do, so really the question that needs to be begged is what took the guy so damn long. Bygones now, as J. Manuel Gonzales, the coach, of the Sackbags is all registered (as of yet unpaid, but we will bother him about that later). He has unfortunately decided to keep his team's unfortunate name, proving him to be...what? Superstitious? Lazy? Or does he really believe putting "God Hearts" in front of any old word will give his fantasy football team some sort of divine protection?
We will, more than likely, delve deeper into the wishes, wants, and desires that plow through the mind of JMG at a later date. This blog has lots of space for just such silly things.
Who will be our fourth? I am all a twitter with anticipation.
ETL
CSNFFLC
The coach of God Hearts Sackbags, our rather illustrious winner of the ChopStar Nation 2009, has graced us by registering his team this very afternoon. He is currently unemployed and probably has little else to do, so really the question that needs to be begged is what took the guy so damn long. Bygones now, as J. Manuel Gonzales, the coach, of the Sackbags is all registered (as of yet unpaid, but we will bother him about that later). He has unfortunately decided to keep his team's unfortunate name, proving him to be...what? Superstitious? Lazy? Or does he really believe putting "God Hearts" in front of any old word will give his fantasy football team some sort of divine protection?
We will, more than likely, delve deeper into the wishes, wants, and desires that plow through the mind of JMG at a later date. This blog has lots of space for just such silly things.
Who will be our fourth? I am all a twitter with anticipation.
ETL
CSNFFLC
A Long Tall Draft is a Coming
This is a reminder to all you ChopStar Nationers. Our live online draft will be Sunday, August 22, 2010 at 8 in the p.m. (EST). Be sure to register and pay me $20. Don't make me hunt you deadbeats down.
So far we have exactly two teams registered: The Buck Nasty (my personal favorite) and Marshall (my current second favorite, but that is subject to change depending on my fancy...sorry, but it's true).
All funny and interesting posts will be conveyed via this blog, so we can share our interchanges with the world, something, I believe, the world has needed for quite some time.
Word!
E. Tyler Lindvall
ChopStar Nation Fantasy Football League Commissioner
So far we have exactly two teams registered: The Buck Nasty (my personal favorite) and Marshall (my current second favorite, but that is subject to change depending on my fancy...sorry, but it's true).
All funny and interesting posts will be conveyed via this blog, so we can share our interchanges with the world, something, I believe, the world has needed for quite some time.
Word!
E. Tyler Lindvall
ChopStar Nation Fantasy Football League Commissioner
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