Quite the shake-up for Week 2 in Division 1 in the ChopStar Nation. Every team in that division that won in Week 1 lost, and every team in that division that lost in Week 1 won, leaving us with all six teams in Division 1 with a 1-1 record. Odd indeed. Luckily with this oddness comes some common sense: The Buck Nasty has filtered itself right to the top of the Division. All seems a little more right in the world seeing that glorious team at the top of their Division.
Meanwhile in Division 2, arguably the stronger of the two divisions, The Sexecutioner hangs onto the fourth spot in the Nation with its 1-1 record, with both TheFightingFighters and Gillemonsters taking the top two spots in the Division with their perfect records.
It is still early, Nationers, so don't get hung up if your record is 0-2 (Marshall or Brew City Bombers), but one CSNFFLC can't help but notice and then help but say that Fantasy Football is a fluid and every changing game, so if your team sucks (Marshall or The Mayhem! or ______) then you need to get active and drop your duds, draft some studs, look at match-ups and pick up Free Agents accordingly and in general participate. Every week is a new week in the ChopStar Nation.
Just saying.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Week 2 Match-Ups in the ChopStar Nation
It's week two in the Nation. I have decided to be like all zen and shit and forget that week one even happened. This sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Okay, it rarely works, but time does move on and if The Buck Nasty does happen to beat the GreenpointAttack! this week, all could be right in the world yet again. I have low expectations though. My frayed and frazzled emotions would completely shatter if I came into this week all cocky and then lost to some guy who lives in fucking Greenpoint. I mean this guy lives in Greenpoint Brooklyn like on purpose. He likes it. He wants to move soon...but to another place in fucking Greenpoint. It is tough to take a guy like this seriously, in Fantasy Football or in other less important things.
Okay, rant is over. Let's look at our other match-ups.
Our scrappy upstart teams, The Mayhem! and TheFightingFighters both came out of week one with wins and now find themselves head to head in week two. Truth be told, they are pretty evenly matched. Fighters have lame RBs. Mayhem! have lame WRs. Really fucking lame WRs. All in all, this will come down to the Fighters QB (Aaron Rodgers) and their DEF (a scrappy little team called Baltimore) wiping up the floor with The Mayhem!, leaving little bits of Billy Cueto all over the place. Yuck.
Marshall wants to sell their team. And they should. The problem is that their team is so shitty that no one wants to buy them. So, what's the coach of Marshall to do? First, you bench Steven Jackson as he is not likely to play. Second, you put in Bennie Wells and you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that Bennie Wells plays like the player he was always suppose to be. And lastly, if you are the coach of Marshall, you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that the Gillemonster's one-two punch of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant get mono and have to stay in bed all weekend. Good luck coach, you're going to need it.
The SwineFlu! couldn't find a suitable trade for Drew Brees, I guess. At least Drew Brees is his starter still. They will need him. The Warriors are riding high after their win last week...Wes Welker is still running. They still have Peyton Manning on the bench, with Schaub filling in at QB. He and his WR Andre Johnson will probably eat up Miami's DEF, so the Flu will get no love there. The Flu's only real hope is that the Bears play as strong as they did last week -- on both sides of the ball -- which will kill the Warriors DEF. The Flu needs to buck up their RB corps and hope that their WRs actually come out to play this week. I have faith in SwineFlu!, just not this week. Maybe week three will be your week...wait, oops, you play the Nasty in week three. Just sit back and rest until week four...that will be your week...promise.
After the embarrassing loss to Mayhem! -- sorry Mayhem!, but any loss to you will be embarrassing for all of us -- the Brew City Bombers are going to be coming out swinging this week. The Sexecutioners lost in a squeaker last week too, and they want to come out swinging, but it looks more like they will be lucky to land a limp-wristed slap, which will probably do little more than hurt their hand. Okay, that may be overstating the Sex position, but I liked the simile and wanted to run with it. Actually this match will be close. My prediction...I think....I believe...wait for it...the Bombers will get their first win, leaving the Sex with nothing more than a bum hand and a limp dick. BOOM! Suck it.
This just in -- the SackBags have benched their first round pick. It's true. Mark Sanchez is on the bench. So, let's take a look at which other handsome Latino the SackBags have found to lead their team at QB...oh, that's funny...they have put in Matt Stafford, the second whitest man in football. Latino power is at an all time low here in the Nation. Stafford finds green peppers to be too spicy...true story. And his celebratory end-zone post touchdown dance is the worst Robot I've ever seen. Sad now. But, wait. There is hope...Latino hope here in the Nation. The Thunderhorses have Julio Jones as their WR3. JULIO, JULIO, JULIO!!!! I'm choosing to believe that there is some Latin blood coursing through a guy named Julio. I will not research this further. I am going to just believe, because isn't being Latino really a state of mind...whoops, no, now I'm being told that to be a Latino you have to be a person of Latin-American or Spanish-speaking descent and it really has nothing to do with a state of mind. Sad again. Anyway, I give this match-up to the Thunderhorses, our one and only team with at least one guy with hot Latin blood running through him, or is at least named after someone with hot Latin blood running through him, which is good enough for me.
There you have it. Week two match-ups here in the ChopStar Nation. Enjoy. Oh, and the whitest guy in football...Tiki Barber. Easy.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Okay, rant is over. Let's look at our other match-ups.
Our scrappy upstart teams, The Mayhem! and TheFightingFighters both came out of week one with wins and now find themselves head to head in week two. Truth be told, they are pretty evenly matched. Fighters have lame RBs. Mayhem! have lame WRs. Really fucking lame WRs. All in all, this will come down to the Fighters QB (Aaron Rodgers) and their DEF (a scrappy little team called Baltimore) wiping up the floor with The Mayhem!, leaving little bits of Billy Cueto all over the place. Yuck.
Marshall wants to sell their team. And they should. The problem is that their team is so shitty that no one wants to buy them. So, what's the coach of Marshall to do? First, you bench Steven Jackson as he is not likely to play. Second, you put in Bennie Wells and you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that Bennie Wells plays like the player he was always suppose to be. And lastly, if you are the coach of Marshall, you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that the Gillemonster's one-two punch of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant get mono and have to stay in bed all weekend. Good luck coach, you're going to need it.
The SwineFlu! couldn't find a suitable trade for Drew Brees, I guess. At least Drew Brees is his starter still. They will need him. The Warriors are riding high after their win last week...Wes Welker is still running. They still have Peyton Manning on the bench, with Schaub filling in at QB. He and his WR Andre Johnson will probably eat up Miami's DEF, so the Flu will get no love there. The Flu's only real hope is that the Bears play as strong as they did last week -- on both sides of the ball -- which will kill the Warriors DEF. The Flu needs to buck up their RB corps and hope that their WRs actually come out to play this week. I have faith in SwineFlu!, just not this week. Maybe week three will be your week...wait, oops, you play the Nasty in week three. Just sit back and rest until week four...that will be your week...promise.
After the embarrassing loss to Mayhem! -- sorry Mayhem!, but any loss to you will be embarrassing for all of us -- the Brew City Bombers are going to be coming out swinging this week. The Sexecutioners lost in a squeaker last week too, and they want to come out swinging, but it looks more like they will be lucky to land a limp-wristed slap, which will probably do little more than hurt their hand. Okay, that may be overstating the Sex position, but I liked the simile and wanted to run with it. Actually this match will be close. My prediction...I think....I believe...wait for it...the Bombers will get their first win, leaving the Sex with nothing more than a bum hand and a limp dick. BOOM! Suck it.
This just in -- the SackBags have benched their first round pick. It's true. Mark Sanchez is on the bench. So, let's take a look at which other handsome Latino the SackBags have found to lead their team at QB...oh, that's funny...they have put in Matt Stafford, the second whitest man in football. Latino power is at an all time low here in the Nation. Stafford finds green peppers to be too spicy...true story. And his celebratory end-zone post touchdown dance is the worst Robot I've ever seen. Sad now. But, wait. There is hope...Latino hope here in the Nation. The Thunderhorses have Julio Jones as their WR3. JULIO, JULIO, JULIO!!!! I'm choosing to believe that there is some Latin blood coursing through a guy named Julio. I will not research this further. I am going to just believe, because isn't being Latino really a state of mind...whoops, no, now I'm being told that to be a Latino you have to be a person of Latin-American or Spanish-speaking descent and it really has nothing to do with a state of mind. Sad again. Anyway, I give this match-up to the Thunderhorses, our one and only team with at least one guy with hot Latin blood running through him, or is at least named after someone with hot Latin blood running through him, which is good enough for me.
There you have it. Week two match-ups here in the ChopStar Nation. Enjoy. Oh, and the whitest guy in football...Tiki Barber. Easy.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Week 1 Recap
This was a wild one. Nothing was more crazy than The Warriors beating The Buck Nasty. Well, that isn't true. The fact that God Hearts SackBags came within 10 points of beating GreenpointAttack! was probably the craziest thing to have happen. Six winners, six losers. Here's what happened:
Wes Welker led the Warriors as they put a little baby spanking on the Buck Nasty. No kicker and lame DEF seems to hurt more than you'd expect.
Marshall has decided to suck, a lot. And the FightingFighters have decided to be good this year. Who knew this was going to happen, or even be possible? A good kicker and terrible DEF is Marshall. A bad kicker and good DEF is the Fighters. And, no surprise, a good DEF will always trump a good kicker. Keep your head up Marshall. Love is all around.
Gillemonsters squeaked past the Sexecutioners with the Tony Romo and Dez Bryant one-two punch. Killer production by Kenny Britt and MJD was just not enough for the Sex. I have it on good authority that the Sex's loss was almost as satisfying to the GreenpointAttack as their own victory over the Sackbags. But, to be honest, it is kind hard to feel very good about beating the Sackbags. Sanchez did okay though. Latino power.
The battle for supremacy in Chicago wasn't really much of a battle. The Flu infected themselves with mediocracy and an all around poor showing by each player except for the QB and DEF. Meanwhile, pretty much every player on Thunderhorse squad came to motherfucking play. The SwineFlu has dusted themselves off, recruited some new blood, and put Drew Brees on the trading block. So you people with a shitty QB, get in there and offer this guy a trade before Jay Cutler has a shitty week and the SwineFlu coach realizes that Brees is too good to give up.
Lastly, The Mayhem! came to play. Look at Billy Cueto and his first win. He's so cute and cuddly. His running backs killed, and his QB made up for his WRs pretty much sucking. The Bombers were hurt by Mendenhall's terrible play and Green Bay's DEF being uber lackluster. Next week Bombers, there is always next week.
So that was Week 1. I pretty much hated it, but I am trying to stay optimistic. Week 2 preview will be posted later in the week, so be on the look out.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wes Welker led the Warriors as they put a little baby spanking on the Buck Nasty. No kicker and lame DEF seems to hurt more than you'd expect.
Marshall has decided to suck, a lot. And the FightingFighters have decided to be good this year. Who knew this was going to happen, or even be possible? A good kicker and terrible DEF is Marshall. A bad kicker and good DEF is the Fighters. And, no surprise, a good DEF will always trump a good kicker. Keep your head up Marshall. Love is all around.
Gillemonsters squeaked past the Sexecutioners with the Tony Romo and Dez Bryant one-two punch. Killer production by Kenny Britt and MJD was just not enough for the Sex. I have it on good authority that the Sex's loss was almost as satisfying to the GreenpointAttack as their own victory over the Sackbags. But, to be honest, it is kind hard to feel very good about beating the Sackbags. Sanchez did okay though. Latino power.
The battle for supremacy in Chicago wasn't really much of a battle. The Flu infected themselves with mediocracy and an all around poor showing by each player except for the QB and DEF. Meanwhile, pretty much every player on Thunderhorse squad came to motherfucking play. The SwineFlu has dusted themselves off, recruited some new blood, and put Drew Brees on the trading block. So you people with a shitty QB, get in there and offer this guy a trade before Jay Cutler has a shitty week and the SwineFlu coach realizes that Brees is too good to give up.
Lastly, The Mayhem! came to play. Look at Billy Cueto and his first win. He's so cute and cuddly. His running backs killed, and his QB made up for his WRs pretty much sucking. The Bombers were hurt by Mendenhall's terrible play and Green Bay's DEF being uber lackluster. Next week Bombers, there is always next week.
So that was Week 1. I pretty much hated it, but I am trying to stay optimistic. Week 2 preview will be posted later in the week, so be on the look out.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Week 1 Match-Ups Part 2
Here we go again. ChopStar Nation Week 1 Match-Ups Part 2. NFL starts tomorrow in Green Bay, where our own Sara Gilley will be. Maybe she can take some photos and we can post them here. Just saying. Tell Aaron Rodgers "hi."
Now let's look at our three other match-ups for this week.
The SwineFlu vs. Thunderhorses. The battle for Chicago supremacy will be over once I get there, so this match-up is key for who will be in second place for the remainder of the year. Who will be number 2 in Chicago? SwineFlu come sprinting out of the gate with Drew Brees as QB, then we look down and see not one, not two, but three mediocre WRs, sad but true. But there is hope in there monster RB crew of Greene on the Jets and Blount on Bucs. These two go together nicely. Questions plague the Thunderhorses as well. Will Greg Jennings have a good year with Finley back. Will Arian Foster repeat his performance of last year, or is he a Fantasy Football one-hit wonder? All in all, this will shake out with a Thunderhorse win, but it will closer than what Yahoo predicts.
TheGreenpointAttack! vs. God Hearts Sackbags. Let's go Sanchez! Let's go Sanchez! Actually, it is tough for me admit, but I think Sanchez will have a decent week this week if avoids turnovers, so the QB pointer will probably lean over to the Sackbags this week...what...oh wait...GreenpointAttack has Vick? Okay, fuck that. Vick will kill Sanchez, and then he will go back in time and kill Sanchez's father so Mark Sanchez will have never existed, leaving the Sackbags with no QB at all. Luckily for the Sackbags, both teams WRs are equally good, but not great, just good. Unluckily for the Sackbags, the Attack's RBs are both twice their RBs. Seriously, Heartbags, who the fuck did you draft in early rounds? Oh, that's right, the soon-to-be-never-have-existed Mark Sanchez. That was funny. Anyway, GreenpointAttack will slaughter the Sackbags this week and probably any other week they play them.
The Mayhem! vs. Brew City Bombers. The Mayhem!'s coach came into this season with guns a blazing. It was just too bad his energy wasn't better spent on draft day. Seriously, if it weren't for God Hearts Sackbags, The Mayhem! would be the one we were all making fun of on draft day. We will all be making fun of him for the rest of the year as Eli Manning fumbles and throws picks, Percy Harvin gets headaches, Roy Williams dies of old age, and Darren McFadden and Michael Turner each get injured from overuse. But if The Mayhem! wants to get a win, this could be the week for them. Both RBs on the Bombers have a lot to prove, especially Matthews. And Green Bay's DEF could get crushed by a hungry Saints offense. Mayhem! could really come out of this week with a win, but they won't. I wish I could say it will be close, but it won't be. Rest easy Mayhemers!, next year is only 12 short months away.
There you have it. Our Week 1 forecast. Be sure to go to each Match-Up page and vote for who you think will win...I am looking for full participation this year.
Keep the comments coming. And click on an ad. We need beer here at HQ.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Now let's look at our three other match-ups for this week.
The SwineFlu vs. Thunderhorses. The battle for Chicago supremacy will be over once I get there, so this match-up is key for who will be in second place for the remainder of the year. Who will be number 2 in Chicago? SwineFlu come sprinting out of the gate with Drew Brees as QB, then we look down and see not one, not two, but three mediocre WRs, sad but true. But there is hope in there monster RB crew of Greene on the Jets and Blount on Bucs. These two go together nicely. Questions plague the Thunderhorses as well. Will Greg Jennings have a good year with Finley back. Will Arian Foster repeat his performance of last year, or is he a Fantasy Football one-hit wonder? All in all, this will shake out with a Thunderhorse win, but it will closer than what Yahoo predicts.
TheGreenpointAttack! vs. God Hearts Sackbags. Let's go Sanchez! Let's go Sanchez! Actually, it is tough for me admit, but I think Sanchez will have a decent week this week if avoids turnovers, so the QB pointer will probably lean over to the Sackbags this week...what...oh wait...GreenpointAttack has Vick? Okay, fuck that. Vick will kill Sanchez, and then he will go back in time and kill Sanchez's father so Mark Sanchez will have never existed, leaving the Sackbags with no QB at all. Luckily for the Sackbags, both teams WRs are equally good, but not great, just good. Unluckily for the Sackbags, the Attack's RBs are both twice their RBs. Seriously, Heartbags, who the fuck did you draft in early rounds? Oh, that's right, the soon-to-be-never-have-existed Mark Sanchez. That was funny. Anyway, GreenpointAttack will slaughter the Sackbags this week and probably any other week they play them.
The Mayhem! vs. Brew City Bombers. The Mayhem!'s coach came into this season with guns a blazing. It was just too bad his energy wasn't better spent on draft day. Seriously, if it weren't for God Hearts Sackbags, The Mayhem! would be the one we were all making fun of on draft day. We will all be making fun of him for the rest of the year as Eli Manning fumbles and throws picks, Percy Harvin gets headaches, Roy Williams dies of old age, and Darren McFadden and Michael Turner each get injured from overuse. But if The Mayhem! wants to get a win, this could be the week for them. Both RBs on the Bombers have a lot to prove, especially Matthews. And Green Bay's DEF could get crushed by a hungry Saints offense. Mayhem! could really come out of this week with a win, but they won't. I wish I could say it will be close, but it won't be. Rest easy Mayhemers!, next year is only 12 short months away.
There you have it. Our Week 1 forecast. Be sure to go to each Match-Up page and vote for who you think will win...I am looking for full participation this year.
Keep the comments coming. And click on an ad. We need beer here at HQ.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Week 1 Match-Ups Part 1
Here we are going into Week 1 of the ChopStar Nation. Fall is coming and we will be as close as we will ever get to heaven on Earth when Thursday night comes and they kick-off the 2011 NFL season, with the Green Bay Packers hosting the New Orleans Saints. Big game, with big implications. But, before that, let's take a look at the first three Week 1 match-ups we have here in the Nation.
Look for our scouting report on the other three match-ups in the ChopStar Nation tomorrow.
The Buck Nasty vs. The Warriors. The Warriors have already stumbled out of the starting blocks with their beloved Peyton Manning sitting on the bench, leaving them to start the perfectly-competent-but-still-no-Peyton-Manning Matt Schaub at QB. This was a blow, but not a death blow. On the other side of the field, we have a young and invigorated Nasty team with Josh Freeman at the helm. The Nasty has assembled a pretty group of young and not so young men to surround Freeman, none more so then what we predict to be the monster Jimmy Graham at TE. All in all, The Warriors will be lucky to walk away without being completely slaughtered. If no one on The Warriors dies, they should consider Week 1 not a total loss.
Gillemonster vs. The Sexecutioner. The Monsters feel so good about their team that they feel it unnecessary to field a kicker. That is some balls on those Monsters. It probably doesn't matter too much, as the monster RB combo of MJD and A. Peterson will be this week, and every week after, the backbone of The Sexecutioners. Vincent Jackson ain't bad either...he is no Calvin Johnson, but he ain't bad. With our without a kicker on the Gillemonster team, things are leaning decisively toward being a Sexy week in Week 1.
Marsahll vs. TheFightingFighters. Wow! Aaron Rodgers looks to be almost twice the man of Matt Ryan, or, at least, twice the QB. Can this be? That seems a little much. But we will see. It looks to this humble CSNFFLC that Yahoo is giving a little too much credit to the great-white-hope, Peyton Hillis, over there on the Fighters, but he is strong and fast, especially at the beginning of the season, so maybe they are not too off. Maybe Marshall will dump one of their extraneous QBs and find a better WR, or maybe they will just put in Malcom Floyd and let Malcom Floyd be Malcom Floyd. Either way, this match-up will be closer than Yahoo predicts, but still the nod goes to TheFightingFighters to get the win here.
That's our first three match-ups for the Week 1. Come back tomorrow to see what the CSNFFLC thinks of our other three match-ups.
On a personal note, I just want to tell all of you in the Nation how touched I am with you leaving comments, and bantering, and smack talking, and in general making this a community of people that joined together to have fun and banter and smack talk and communicate with one another. Oh wait, none of that is happening. I am fucking talking to myself here. Is this going out to some sort of Al Gore internet vacuums. Does anyone give a shit? Because we here at the ChopStar Nation headquarters are starting to feel unappreciated and unloved.
So, fuck you.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Look for our scouting report on the other three match-ups in the ChopStar Nation tomorrow.
The Buck Nasty vs. The Warriors. The Warriors have already stumbled out of the starting blocks with their beloved Peyton Manning sitting on the bench, leaving them to start the perfectly-competent-but-still-no-Peyton-Manning Matt Schaub at QB. This was a blow, but not a death blow. On the other side of the field, we have a young and invigorated Nasty team with Josh Freeman at the helm. The Nasty has assembled a pretty group of young and not so young men to surround Freeman, none more so then what we predict to be the monster Jimmy Graham at TE. All in all, The Warriors will be lucky to walk away without being completely slaughtered. If no one on The Warriors dies, they should consider Week 1 not a total loss.
Gillemonster vs. The Sexecutioner. The Monsters feel so good about their team that they feel it unnecessary to field a kicker. That is some balls on those Monsters. It probably doesn't matter too much, as the monster RB combo of MJD and A. Peterson will be this week, and every week after, the backbone of The Sexecutioners. Vincent Jackson ain't bad either...he is no Calvin Johnson, but he ain't bad. With our without a kicker on the Gillemonster team, things are leaning decisively toward being a Sexy week in Week 1.
Marsahll vs. TheFightingFighters. Wow! Aaron Rodgers looks to be almost twice the man of Matt Ryan, or, at least, twice the QB. Can this be? That seems a little much. But we will see. It looks to this humble CSNFFLC that Yahoo is giving a little too much credit to the great-white-hope, Peyton Hillis, over there on the Fighters, but he is strong and fast, especially at the beginning of the season, so maybe they are not too off. Maybe Marshall will dump one of their extraneous QBs and find a better WR, or maybe they will just put in Malcom Floyd and let Malcom Floyd be Malcom Floyd. Either way, this match-up will be closer than Yahoo predicts, but still the nod goes to TheFightingFighters to get the win here.
That's our first three match-ups for the Week 1. Come back tomorrow to see what the CSNFFLC thinks of our other three match-ups.
On a personal note, I just want to tell all of you in the Nation how touched I am with you leaving comments, and bantering, and smack talking, and in general making this a community of people that joined together to have fun and banter and smack talk and communicate with one another. Oh wait, none of that is happening. I am fucking talking to myself here. Is this going out to some sort of Al Gore internet vacuums. Does anyone give a shit? Because we here at the ChopStar Nation headquarters are starting to feel unappreciated and unloved.
So, fuck you.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
CSNFFLC Comments on Draft Results
So, Nationers let's look at each team after last Sunday's Draft and get an overview on what is what.
The Buck Nasty Our beloved CSNFFLC has, shall we say, a vested interest in the old Buck Nasty. But that all being said, what a beautiful team, right? I mean it is magical combination of a young non-Latino QB with a powerhouse offense around him. Wonderful WRs will be the backbone of the Nasty this year, complemented by the monster RB1 Ray Rice. What is going on with the RB2 position, you may be asking yourself. No one really knows, least of all the coach of The Buck Nasty. Fingers and toes are crossed.
Marshall The coach of Marshall freaked out, cried in disgust, and scrambled for another game plan when Mark Sanchez flew off the drafting table. But, let's face it, we all had that reaction. Marshall's coach collected herself and went out and found Matty "The Iceman" Ryan instead, who is not nearly as handsome, but he is a much better quarterback, so I suppose that could be considered a wash. The monsters in Pittsburgh will be a solid DEF for Marshall all season long. Chris Johnson and the aged Steven Jackson are a good tandem one-two punch in RB. WR is a little thin, but when your WR1 is Roddy White, being a little thin in WR2 and WR3 is something I think any of us could live with.
The Warriors Will Peyton Manning stay healthy and play all season is the big question haunting The Warriors. But they have the monster Andre Johnson WR1 and the scrappy McCoy at RB1, so even if Manning goes down and they have to put in the sometimes inconsistent Matt Schaub, they will more than likely be just fine. Plus they have the slot WR2 Wes Welker, who is only going to benefit from the deep threat of Chad Ochocinco joining New England's offense. All in all, a solid team that will hopefully make it to the playoffs.
TheFightingFighters As stated in a previous post, the Fighters had to autopick because they were celebrating something instead of live drafting, which killed them last year, but may just have paid off this year. Rodgers at QB, Larry Fitz at WR1, and Reggie Wayne at WR2, and Dallas Clark at TE all make for a nice team. The Fighters are a bit weak in the old RB category, which could come back to haunt them. But, maybe the great-white-hope Peyton Hillis will have another solid year, just as long as he doesn't get too bashed around because the rest of his offense has little to nothing to offer. All in all, I think the Fighters have a much greater fighting chance of making the playoffs this year with this autopicked team than if their coach had been their picking his team himself.
TheGreenpointAttack! The Attack had first pick this year, and we were all a twitter, wondering who they would take after picking Mark Sanchez, when BOOM! they picked Michael Vick. Everyone was stunned. Did he forget Sanchez was playing this year? It was a gamble. It was a risk. I mean, picking the highest scoring and most dynamic QB the NFL has seen in a very long time, when, all the while, little Marky Sanchez is down their on the draft board...way fucking down there...like in the 200s or something, is a risky proposition. But they did it anyway. Holdout Gore will be a strong RB1 and Matt Forte may actually have a good year. The Attack picked a weird TE, but that may pay off for them in the end. But, you know, it won't.
Gillemonster The award for being the second most handsome QB but one that will actually score some points goes to the Gillemonster's Tony Romo. Will he stay healthy? Will Texas follow Rick Perry and secede from the Union, ripping the Cowboys and Texans into their own TFL of two teams? Time will tell. RB1 Charles and the rookie Mark Ingram in RB2 could be a nice compliment for the Monsters this year. And they will need this because after Calvin Johnson, let's face it, the Monsters are a little weak in the WR. Somebody had to say it. There, I said it. Hopefully Finley will be the giant TE everyone thinks he will be and the Gillemonsters will march on to victory after victory after victory.
The SwineFlu The Flu came out swinging in the RB position. I am liking me some Blount down in Tampa this year. I am liking me some Greene in New York this year. Drew Brees has been a little sleepy as of late, but he will have nice numbers and he gives a helluva pre-game chant, so what's not to like. The sleeper on this team is WR3, Austin Collie, who will be putting up some killer numbers over in Indy. Sadly, their DEF is Chicago, and sadly, Chicago's DEF is not much like the Bears of old. My requests for The SwineFlu to change their name to a more timely health scare have, thus far, remained unanswered.
The Mayhem! Oh, Mayhem!, where to start? We had such high hopes for you as we welcomed you back into the ChopStar Nation fold. Okay, to be honest, we had mediocre hopes at best, but you so wildly exceeded our expectations of being a truly shitty drafter. I have never seen a kicker and a pretty terrible DEF be picked so soon. And then tjey went to draft a WR corp of mediocre to may not do much of anything, but then again, they may do a little bit each and every other week, but then again, probably not. Starting RBs look pretty solid, but then they went on to draft Ryan Williams, who will not be playing this year. And don't even get me started McNabb....The Mayhem! needs to be looking to do some drop/add ASAP. They are still cocky and think they are good, which is something we love here in the Nation, even if their cockiness is delusional.
God Hearts Sackbags God may indeed love him sackbags, just not these sackbags. Luckily the Sackbags were smart enough to draft Stafford as their back-up QB, who will more than likely end up being their starting QB come week 2. Their WRs are beaten and broken before the season even starts. Their RB1 would be a RB2 on other teams and their RB2 would be a back-up on other teams. So these are the problems. What are the highlights...I'm thinking...there's got to be a highlight, right? Their kicker seems pretty solid, but their back-up kicker...wait, what the fuck, they have a fucking back-up KICKER? Why in the hell do they have back-up kicker? There is a mess going on down their in Texas.
The Sexecutioner The award for changing their team name to a pretty great new name but we will all miss the religious connotations from the team names of yore, goes to the Sexecutioners. Their date-raping QB is questionable, but he did find love and apparently didn't assault her before he married her, so maybe Big Ben is growing up. Maybe. Will Kenny Britt get suspended? Will MJD stay healthy, and even if stays healthy, will he be any good? Questions that will be answered as the season progress. Their is no question that AP will be a solid RB1 and Vincent Jackson will most likely have a career year. Will any of this be enough to take the Sexies to another ChopStar Nation Championship? Simple: no.
Thunderhorses I found out later that person actually drafting the Thunderhorses team was not the actual coach, but some ringer the coach hired to sit in for him as he rowed around in a boat somewhere outside Greece. So all that talk of borrowing a laptop from some sweaty French dude was all bullshit. Before any of the rest you Nationers get your tail feathers up, this ringer the Horses brought in was some guy from Chicago who doesn't know much about much. Case in point Cedric Benson in RB2. Case in point Greg Jennings in WR1. Case in point Arian Foster in RB1...oh wait, that was a pretty good pick. Actually, the Thunderhorses team looks pretty good, much better than if their actual coach picked his team, because, you know, in years past he has proven to inept at best. If this team goes on to win the championship, we will have to put an asterisk next to his name on the ChopStar Nation Champions Circle Trophy*.
Brew City Bombers Pretty-Boy-But-Not-As-Pretty-As-Mark-Sanchez-But-Almost-As-Pretty-As-Tony-Romo Phillip Rivers will be spearheading the Bombers this year. Rivers may come in third in the handsome QB department, but he will put up more numbers than both number 1 and number 2 pretty boys. Ryan Matthews in RB2 should make the Bombers nervous, but luckily they have the killer back-RB...what...oh, they only have Ronnie Brown as their back-up RB. Yikes. They were digging deep to find him. Not, like, Mark Sancez, deep, but pretty deep all the same. They should probably drop their back-up kicker -- COME ON, PEOPLE...NO ONE NEEDS A BACK-UP KICKER BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS -- and run out and get a real back-up RB. Just saying.
So there you have it. Twelve teams enter. One team wins. But really, we are all winners here in the ChopStar Nation. Even Billy Cueto.
*Note to self: I need to pick up a. ChopStar Nation Champions Circle Trophy.
ETL
CSNFFLC
The Buck Nasty Our beloved CSNFFLC has, shall we say, a vested interest in the old Buck Nasty. But that all being said, what a beautiful team, right? I mean it is magical combination of a young non-Latino QB with a powerhouse offense around him. Wonderful WRs will be the backbone of the Nasty this year, complemented by the monster RB1 Ray Rice. What is going on with the RB2 position, you may be asking yourself. No one really knows, least of all the coach of The Buck Nasty. Fingers and toes are crossed.
Marshall The coach of Marshall freaked out, cried in disgust, and scrambled for another game plan when Mark Sanchez flew off the drafting table. But, let's face it, we all had that reaction. Marshall's coach collected herself and went out and found Matty "The Iceman" Ryan instead, who is not nearly as handsome, but he is a much better quarterback, so I suppose that could be considered a wash. The monsters in Pittsburgh will be a solid DEF for Marshall all season long. Chris Johnson and the aged Steven Jackson are a good tandem one-two punch in RB. WR is a little thin, but when your WR1 is Roddy White, being a little thin in WR2 and WR3 is something I think any of us could live with.
The Warriors Will Peyton Manning stay healthy and play all season is the big question haunting The Warriors. But they have the monster Andre Johnson WR1 and the scrappy McCoy at RB1, so even if Manning goes down and they have to put in the sometimes inconsistent Matt Schaub, they will more than likely be just fine. Plus they have the slot WR2 Wes Welker, who is only going to benefit from the deep threat of Chad Ochocinco joining New England's offense. All in all, a solid team that will hopefully make it to the playoffs.
TheFightingFighters As stated in a previous post, the Fighters had to autopick because they were celebrating something instead of live drafting, which killed them last year, but may just have paid off this year. Rodgers at QB, Larry Fitz at WR1, and Reggie Wayne at WR2, and Dallas Clark at TE all make for a nice team. The Fighters are a bit weak in the old RB category, which could come back to haunt them. But, maybe the great-white-hope Peyton Hillis will have another solid year, just as long as he doesn't get too bashed around because the rest of his offense has little to nothing to offer. All in all, I think the Fighters have a much greater fighting chance of making the playoffs this year with this autopicked team than if their coach had been their picking his team himself.
TheGreenpointAttack! The Attack had first pick this year, and we were all a twitter, wondering who they would take after picking Mark Sanchez, when BOOM! they picked Michael Vick. Everyone was stunned. Did he forget Sanchez was playing this year? It was a gamble. It was a risk. I mean, picking the highest scoring and most dynamic QB the NFL has seen in a very long time, when, all the while, little Marky Sanchez is down their on the draft board...way fucking down there...like in the 200s or something, is a risky proposition. But they did it anyway. Holdout Gore will be a strong RB1 and Matt Forte may actually have a good year. The Attack picked a weird TE, but that may pay off for them in the end. But, you know, it won't.
Gillemonster The award for being the second most handsome QB but one that will actually score some points goes to the Gillemonster's Tony Romo. Will he stay healthy? Will Texas follow Rick Perry and secede from the Union, ripping the Cowboys and Texans into their own TFL of two teams? Time will tell. RB1 Charles and the rookie Mark Ingram in RB2 could be a nice compliment for the Monsters this year. And they will need this because after Calvin Johnson, let's face it, the Monsters are a little weak in the WR. Somebody had to say it. There, I said it. Hopefully Finley will be the giant TE everyone thinks he will be and the Gillemonsters will march on to victory after victory after victory.
The SwineFlu The Flu came out swinging in the RB position. I am liking me some Blount down in Tampa this year. I am liking me some Greene in New York this year. Drew Brees has been a little sleepy as of late, but he will have nice numbers and he gives a helluva pre-game chant, so what's not to like. The sleeper on this team is WR3, Austin Collie, who will be putting up some killer numbers over in Indy. Sadly, their DEF is Chicago, and sadly, Chicago's DEF is not much like the Bears of old. My requests for The SwineFlu to change their name to a more timely health scare have, thus far, remained unanswered.
The Mayhem! Oh, Mayhem!, where to start? We had such high hopes for you as we welcomed you back into the ChopStar Nation fold. Okay, to be honest, we had mediocre hopes at best, but you so wildly exceeded our expectations of being a truly shitty drafter. I have never seen a kicker and a pretty terrible DEF be picked so soon. And then tjey went to draft a WR corp of mediocre to may not do much of anything, but then again, they may do a little bit each and every other week, but then again, probably not. Starting RBs look pretty solid, but then they went on to draft Ryan Williams, who will not be playing this year. And don't even get me started McNabb....The Mayhem! needs to be looking to do some drop/add ASAP. They are still cocky and think they are good, which is something we love here in the Nation, even if their cockiness is delusional.
God Hearts Sackbags God may indeed love him sackbags, just not these sackbags. Luckily the Sackbags were smart enough to draft Stafford as their back-up QB, who will more than likely end up being their starting QB come week 2. Their WRs are beaten and broken before the season even starts. Their RB1 would be a RB2 on other teams and their RB2 would be a back-up on other teams. So these are the problems. What are the highlights...I'm thinking...there's got to be a highlight, right? Their kicker seems pretty solid, but their back-up kicker...wait, what the fuck, they have a fucking back-up KICKER? Why in the hell do they have back-up kicker? There is a mess going on down their in Texas.
The Sexecutioner The award for changing their team name to a pretty great new name but we will all miss the religious connotations from the team names of yore, goes to the Sexecutioners. Their date-raping QB is questionable, but he did find love and apparently didn't assault her before he married her, so maybe Big Ben is growing up. Maybe. Will Kenny Britt get suspended? Will MJD stay healthy, and even if stays healthy, will he be any good? Questions that will be answered as the season progress. Their is no question that AP will be a solid RB1 and Vincent Jackson will most likely have a career year. Will any of this be enough to take the Sexies to another ChopStar Nation Championship? Simple: no.
Thunderhorses I found out later that person actually drafting the Thunderhorses team was not the actual coach, but some ringer the coach hired to sit in for him as he rowed around in a boat somewhere outside Greece. So all that talk of borrowing a laptop from some sweaty French dude was all bullshit. Before any of the rest you Nationers get your tail feathers up, this ringer the Horses brought in was some guy from Chicago who doesn't know much about much. Case in point Cedric Benson in RB2. Case in point Greg Jennings in WR1. Case in point Arian Foster in RB1...oh wait, that was a pretty good pick. Actually, the Thunderhorses team looks pretty good, much better than if their actual coach picked his team, because, you know, in years past he has proven to inept at best. If this team goes on to win the championship, we will have to put an asterisk next to his name on the ChopStar Nation Champions Circle Trophy*.
Brew City Bombers Pretty-Boy-But-Not-As-Pretty-As-Mark-Sanchez-But-Almost-As-Pretty-As-Tony-Romo Phillip Rivers will be spearheading the Bombers this year. Rivers may come in third in the handsome QB department, but he will put up more numbers than both number 1 and number 2 pretty boys. Ryan Matthews in RB2 should make the Bombers nervous, but luckily they have the killer back-RB...what...oh, they only have Ronnie Brown as their back-up RB. Yikes. They were digging deep to find him. Not, like, Mark Sancez, deep, but pretty deep all the same. They should probably drop their back-up kicker -- COME ON, PEOPLE...NO ONE NEEDS A BACK-UP KICKER BEFORE THE SEASON STARTS -- and run out and get a real back-up RB. Just saying.
So there you have it. Twelve teams enter. One team wins. But really, we are all winners here in the ChopStar Nation. Even Billy Cueto.
*Note to self: I need to pick up a. ChopStar Nation Champions Circle Trophy.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Draft Day Results in the ChopStar Nation
As seen on ESPN2, the ChopStar Nationers gathered this last Sunday night to pick their teams. Nervous apprehension was in the air. Who was going to get Mark Sanchez was the biggest question of the night. We tussled and pushed and shoved to get the handsome magazine-cover hunk on our starting rosters. And the big winner of who has the hunkiest Latino quarterback on their team: God Hearts Sackbags. And the big winner of who has easily worst team and will more than likely be 12th out 12 teams by the end of the season: God Hearts Sackbags. I mean come on Sackbags, you not only picked Mark Sanchez first -- a player you could have easily picked up in the last round -- you now have two kickers and two defenses on your roster. You, if nothing, else make us all laugh, and for that we are thankful.
The Mayhem! doesn't look too good either, but more on that in subsequent posts.
On a happy note, TheFightingFighters were forced to autopick their draft, but ended up with a pretty solid team, which is happy news for us all, because there is nothing worse than the whinny coach of TheFightingFighters when he gets a bad autopicked team.
Please post your comments about how bad ass your team is and how you shall dominate this year.
Be on the lookout for a guest blog from the ChopStar Nation 2010 Champion forthcoming.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
The Mayhem! doesn't look too good either, but more on that in subsequent posts.
On a happy note, TheFightingFighters were forced to autopick their draft, but ended up with a pretty solid team, which is happy news for us all, because there is nothing worse than the whinny coach of TheFightingFighters when he gets a bad autopicked team.
Please post your comments about how bad ass your team is and how you shall dominate this year.
Be on the lookout for a guest blog from the ChopStar Nation 2010 Champion forthcoming.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Friday, August 5, 2011
Back by Unpopular Demand
The rumors are true. As reported late last night on ESPN, the ChopStar Nation can now confirm that a Mr. Billy Cueto is back. As of 11 in the p.m. EST Coach Billy Cueto has registered his team, The Mayhem!, in the 2011 ChopStar Nation Fantasy Football League.
How does the Nation feel about their wayward son returning to its flock? Only time will tell. For now we can say that we may be able to forgive, but we will never forget. We will never forget how that cock-sucking, baby-raping, motherless, goat-fucker abandoned us when we were at our most vulnerable -- say 2009 -- and now after moving to California Billy is all walking around like he is the cock of the block, thinking he can just come back to the Nation, with us waiting here with open arms and smile in our heart, all the while the knife wound from the knife he plunged into all of our backs is still an open wound that just may never heal. No we will not forget. And we will most likely never be able to love Billy Cueto again. But, Nation, we must look at Billy's return as an opportunity. This is a chance for us to pull one of our greatest enemies close to our chest and keep him there while we wait. So snuggle up Billy boy, get nice and comfortable, and someday -- maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe ten years from now -- you're going to get that knife returned to you, right in the gut.
So, Billy is back, but that doesn't mean we have to like it. All being said, welcome home, Billy, welcome home.
In other news, J. Manuel Gonzales also registered last night.
This has been a message from your CSNFFLC.
How does the Nation feel about their wayward son returning to its flock? Only time will tell. For now we can say that we may be able to forgive, but we will never forget. We will never forget how that cock-sucking, baby-raping, motherless, goat-fucker abandoned us when we were at our most vulnerable -- say 2009 -- and now after moving to California Billy is all walking around like he is the cock of the block, thinking he can just come back to the Nation, with us waiting here with open arms and smile in our heart, all the while the knife wound from the knife he plunged into all of our backs is still an open wound that just may never heal. No we will not forget. And we will most likely never be able to love Billy Cueto again. But, Nation, we must look at Billy's return as an opportunity. This is a chance for us to pull one of our greatest enemies close to our chest and keep him there while we wait. So snuggle up Billy boy, get nice and comfortable, and someday -- maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe ten years from now -- you're going to get that knife returned to you, right in the gut.
So, Billy is back, but that doesn't mean we have to like it. All being said, welcome home, Billy, welcome home.
In other news, J. Manuel Gonzales also registered last night.
This has been a message from your CSNFFLC.
Monday, August 1, 2011
ChopStar Nation Draft
Greetings Nationers. We are officially three strong, with many more promises of joining. Get in there and register. You will feel better, the air will smell cleaner, and the birds will be singing only for you. Just ask CJ Swetala and Lady K. Henehan. The Warriors and Marshall have joined The Buck Nasty in the heavenly Fantasy Football fields that can only be a part of the ChopStar Nation.
Our only draft is scheduled for Sunday, August 21, 2011 at 7 in the p.m. EST. It looks like the ChopStar Nation HQ will not be moving to Chicago by then, so if you are in the greater NYC area on the day of the draft, feel free to stop by our current HQ. I will be making dinner. Most likely a pot roast, and I make a mean pot roast. RSVP please.
See you soon.
I love you all.
Except for Ryan Murphy. I fucking hate him*.
ETL
CSNFFLC
*Once RM pays me the $20 he still owes me for last years league dues and another $20 for this years league dues, he too will know what it feels like to be basting in my love, which also just happens to be the secret ingredient for my killer pot roast.
Our only draft is scheduled for Sunday, August 21, 2011 at 7 in the p.m. EST. It looks like the ChopStar Nation HQ will not be moving to Chicago by then, so if you are in the greater NYC area on the day of the draft, feel free to stop by our current HQ. I will be making dinner. Most likely a pot roast, and I make a mean pot roast. RSVP please.
See you soon.
I love you all.
Except for Ryan Murphy. I fucking hate him*.
ETL
CSNFFLC
*Once RM pays me the $20 he still owes me for last years league dues and another $20 for this years league dues, he too will know what it feels like to be basting in my love, which also just happens to be the secret ingredient for my killer pot roast.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
ChopStar Nation Registration
Dear Nationers,
As of two seconds ago, we are a nation of ONE. I am the only member to have registered. Please take the time to go HERE and register and then please send me your $20 membership fee (Colin P. Delaney has already pre-paid). Ryan Murphy, if he wants to remain a member in good standing, needs to pay $40 ASAP. Winner gets $200 and second place gets $40.
Hurry, hurry. Be the first in your neighborhood to register.
ETL
CSNFFLC
As of two seconds ago, we are a nation of ONE. I am the only member to have registered. Please take the time to go HERE and register and then please send me your $20 membership fee (Colin P. Delaney has already pre-paid). Ryan Murphy, if he wants to remain a member in good standing, needs to pay $40 ASAP. Winner gets $200 and second place gets $40.
Hurry, hurry. Be the first in your neighborhood to register.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Thursday, July 28, 2011
ChopStar Nation LIVES in 2011
Hello, Nationers. How the hell are you? Who is ready for some Fantasy Football, ChopStar Nation style? I know I am.
News in the Nation: Our Headquarters are moving. We are moving West. Me and entire ChopStar Nation support staff (read: Buddy) are doing our level best to move to Chicago. New York has been good to us, but wanting Jay Cutler as our first round pick didn't really jive with living in the Big Apple, so we are picking up stakes and moving to the Windy City. This could happen as early as September. I will know more soon. But please rest assured, we will have our online draft well before September 8, 2011 -- NFL's Season Opener. Thoughts and Ideas about when the draft should be are welcome, but will mostly be ignored.
Just wanted to touch base with you and make sure everyone is still on board to play this year. If not you will be just as dead to all of us in the Nation as Billy Cueto. Just saying. Oh, and Ryan Murphy sucks balls, he being the only member of the Nation to not pay his $20 entry fee last year. Hating him is cool too.
More soon.
E. Tyler Lindvall
ChopStar Nation Fantasy Football League Commissioner (CSNFFLC)
News in the Nation: Our Headquarters are moving. We are moving West. Me and entire ChopStar Nation support staff (read: Buddy) are doing our level best to move to Chicago. New York has been good to us, but wanting Jay Cutler as our first round pick didn't really jive with living in the Big Apple, so we are picking up stakes and moving to the Windy City. This could happen as early as September. I will know more soon. But please rest assured, we will have our online draft well before September 8, 2011 -- NFL's Season Opener. Thoughts and Ideas about when the draft should be are welcome, but will mostly be ignored.
Just wanted to touch base with you and make sure everyone is still on board to play this year. If not you will be just as dead to all of us in the Nation as Billy Cueto. Just saying. Oh, and Ryan Murphy sucks balls, he being the only member of the Nation to not pay his $20 entry fee last year. Hating him is cool too.
More soon.
E. Tyler Lindvall
ChopStar Nation Fantasy Football League Commissioner (CSNFFLC)
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