Pocket Full O Pesos

It is true that we here at the ChopStar Nation are a multicultural bunch.  We have a bunch of white guys, a couple of white ladies, a Jew, a Mexican, and whatever Farooq is.  Mix us all together and you get the ChopStar Nation.  We are the Benetton Ad of Fantasy Football leagues.  As it has long been said, there is no gender, religion, or color in Fantasy Football.  That is, of course, if you don't count the GREEN.  The sweet color of money.  We are competitive bunch here, it is no secret.  And in that spirit of competition we have added the layer of not only playing for the world renowned fame that instantly comes from being crowned King (or Queen) of the ChopStar Nation, we added a pot of gold for the winner (and second placer).  This layer was mostly added to satiate some of Mr. Bartelmay's lust for gambling, of course, but until he asks for our help we must let him roll down that road of ruin.  It must be noted, this pot of gold didn't just magically appear one day.  I may be good with money, but I have yet to be able to make some from none (yet).  No, to give the first and second placers in ChopStar Nation 2010 their winnings, it was required that each and every member to donate a nonrefundable $20 entrance fee to participate in what has become the nation's hottest Fantasy Football league.  Not a real hard concept...for some.

J. Manuel Gonzales is now, as of yesterday, a paid in full member of the ChopStar Nation.  Manny, we thank you.  And, no, we will not stop calling you Manny.

Who hasn't paid, you maybe asking yourself?  Colin P. Delaney hasn't paid.  But I am seeing him tonight and I, if nothing else, can be rather persuasive to those owning me money.  So, let's count him in the soon-to-be paid column.

So, who else?  There is Mr. Ryan Murphy.  And there is Mr. Farooq Ahmed.  I will now appeal to their sense of honor, duty, and dignity.  What do you say fellas?  Want to make ETL, CSNFFLC happy?

This has been the not yet happy ETL, CSNNFFLC

ChopStar Nation - Week 2

Oh, what little difference a week can make.  The Buck Nasty is still number 1, but what did we expect?  It was a squeaker though.  TheFightingFighters needed their kicker to get 14 points, but the the bastard fell short, only getting 12 points.  Heartbreaking for TFF, but when your team's entire hopes for a winning are put on the back of a rookie RB, in Detroit of all places, you are going to have to suffer through these nail biters each and every week.

The Sackbags pulled out another miracle win over the Gillemonster, proving that God might actually like them more than other teams.  I believe their luck can't hold forever, but that's just me.

Oh, and how the GreenpointAttack! pulled out their win is a mystery to most, heartbreaking to The Warriors, who looked poised to move on through week 2 with 2 wins.  That is until Frank Gore starting running with the rock.  Frank Gore came alive last week.

The rest of your standings can be found HERE.

What will week 3 bring?  Will The Buck Nasty roll over The Warriors?  Will TheFightingFighters get their first win?  Will Reggie Bush, with his broken leg, run better than Shonn Greene for the God Hearts SackBags?  Will The Leaping Lazaruses beat Marshall, or was week 2 the only win they will get all year?

The most pressing question for all in the ChopStar Nation is what is wrong with the Thunderhorses?  Seriously, they suck.

ETL
CSNFFLC

The Woes of Ryan Murphy

Reporting from Millbrook.

Two years ago the coach of Millbrook Midgets lead his team valiantly to top of the ChopStar Nation.  Last year he didn't fair as well, but still lead a decent campaign keeping his team in the middle of the pack.  Now it is 2010 and the Midgets have been dealt not one, but two, season altering -- season ending? -- injuries.  First, Sidney Rice.  Out for most likely the rest of the season.  He may come back, but who knows.  Really, can T.J. Houshmandzadeh replace Sidney Rice?  Not likely.

And this last Sunday the Midgets lost their leading RB, Ryan Grant, for the entire season.  Now they are hoping Darren McFadden will fill their open RB slot, but we fear like others that have hoped for anything from an Oakland Raider the Midgets will get nothing but heartbreak.

But the Midgets did eek out a first week win (needing all the wins they can get), so we cannot rule them out of post season contention just yet.

When called to comment on these devastating injuries, Mr. Murphy said, "What?  Who the hell is this?"

When asked to elaborate on his previous comments, Mr. Murphy went on to say, "Why the fuck are you calling me at four in the morning?"

And with that he abruptly ended the interview, one can only assume in frustration at his current fantasy football woes.  Fear not faithful Nationers.  We will continue to pursue this story.  Possible later, much later, tonight.

This has been ETL your CSNFFLC

ChopStar Nation Week 1 Standings

WOW!  What a first week.  Some real nail biters that went all the way down to the wire.  One brilliantly planned all around whomping (The Buck Nasty), one game decided by less than two points, and one game decided by 0.04 of a point (which is a ChopStar Nation record, by the way).  For all you losers, find consolation in that there is always next week.  And for all you winners, don't rest on your laurels, as there is always next week.

This has been a great opening week for what promises to be a stellar year in the Nation.  I, for one, am excited to see what happens next.

Here are your standings: 


Division 1
Rank    Team                                W-L-T    Pct         Div       Pts           Streak
1.         The Buck Nasty               1-0-0     1.000     1-0-0     155.08     W-1
3.         The Warriors                    1-0-0     1.000     1-0-0     90.52       W-1
6.         GodHeartsSackBags       1-0-0     1.000     1-0-0     57.38       W-1
8.         TheGreenpointAttack!      0-1-0     .000       0-1-0     92.50       L-1 
10.       Gillemonster                     0-1-0     .000       0-1-0     70.42       L-1
12.       TheFightingFighters         0-1-0     .000       0-1-0     57.34       L-1 

Division 2
Rank    Team                                W-L-T    Pct         Div       Pts           Streak
2.          The SwineFlu                  1-0-0      1.000    1-0-0     104.62     W-1
4.          Millbrook Midgets            1-0-0      1.000    1-0-0      75.78      W-1
5.          The Archbishop               1-0-0      1.000    1-0-0      75.62      W-1
7.          Thunderhorses                0-1-0       .000      0-1-0      95.32      L-1
9.          Marshall                           0-1-0       .000      0-1-0     73.98       L-1
11.        Leaping Lazaruses          0-1-0       .000      0-1-0      62.32      L-1

The CHEAPEST MOTHERFUCKERS in Town

Here are the remaining ChopStar Nationers that still have not paid the $20 due required to be in the most elite and awe inspiring fantasy football league in all the world.  Pay up.  Make us whole.  You can pay via PayPal using my email address.

Farooq Ahmed
J. Manuel Gonzales
Ryan Murphy
Colin P. Delaney

You really are ruining it for the rest of us honest (read: paid) Nationers.

ETL, CSNFFLC

Is it Monday Night Yet?

Here is the news for Monday Night:

GreenpointAttack! just needs his DEF and his TE to combine for 64.89 to sweep a quick win over The Buck Nasty.  Easy peasy.  Don't fret CPD.  I believe in you. 

As for The Archbishop vs. Marshall.  This is the battle of Joe Flacco going head to head with Dwayne Bowe, with Marshall coming in to tonight's games with just a little under a 4 point surplus.  I give the edge to the Bishop on this one.  Sorry Marshall.  Hope for lots of Flacco throws lots of interceptions to Revis...not an out of the realm hope.

The big question for tonight is can the SackBags RBs and the Jets DEF come on strong.  The only problem is the TheFightingFighters have a little someone named RAY RICE in their back pocket, not to mention the Raven's DEF, which will certainly eat up Sanchez.  Pick: Welcome to ChopStar Nation, Coach Haber, you are coming in with a strong week 1 win.

Millbrook Midgets will soundly thump the Leaping Lazaruses, who really got no help from any of their players this week.  Maybe the Laz should start looking to make some trades.  Just saying.

The Warriors come into tonight with nearly an 11 point surplus over the Gillemonters.  And they will need it.  The Monsters have Malcom Floyd and Derrick Mason, along with their kicker, yet to play.  But the Warriors will be debuting their rookie RB, the Charger's own Ryan Matthews, and he could end being a monster, not an Arian Foster monster, but a monster.  I am predicting the Warriors walk away with the win.

Now for the battle for the windy city.  Thunderhorses have put all their points up and have just over 11 points over the Flu.  The Flu needs Philip Rivers to have a so-so game against a terrible defense.  Who knew Sims-Walker wouldn't catch a ball?  The inner city Chicago battle will most assuredly go to the SwineFlu.

That's what is happening in the Nation.  Let the Smack Talk fly, motherfuckers.

ETL, CSNFFLC

Undisputed CHAMP (of week 1)

The Buck Nasty comes out of the gate with a GreenpointAttack! shattering 155.08 points.  Did you see it?  Wasn't it lovely?  I feel this is going to be a Nasty year for all.  Enjoy!!!

Here It Comes

Sunday is HERE!!!!  And I, for one, couldn't really be happier.  The Buck Nasty had not one player that played in the NFL opener on Thursday, so everyone in the ChopStar Nation is still all a twitter about just how they will perform.  No real worries, as we are playing TheGreenpointAttack, which is little more than a practice scrimmage for a robust and awe-inspiring team like The Nasty.

In other news, we have the battle of Chicago going on this week.  That is a match-up to watch as far as I am concerned.  Both teams suck, but just how much will they suck is the question on the table.

In other other news, Billy Cueto still also sucks, but he has, as of late, been sucking it up in Philly.  The East Coast felt particular dirty the last three weeks and this BC infiltration was the explanation.  He has returned home and is comfortably sucking it up in Texas.  Seems only fitting for all concerned.

I love you all, even the ones in Chicago.  Rumor has it the SwineFlu's coach's wife is with child, and they have decided -- no surprise -- to name their first born ChopStar.  Congrats to them, and congrats to us all.

Let's get it on.

ETL, CSNFFLC

Updates

Man, I keep meaning to update this thing*.
Then I start drinking.
Then I go to update this thing and by the time I get ready to type I get thirsty again.
Then I drink again.
Then I forget what I was meaning to do before I started drinking.
Then I fall asleep.
This is the life of a fantasy football league commissioner.
So it goes.

This has been ETL, CSNFFLC

* Billy Cueto still motherfucking sucks.  Pass it on.