Quite the shake-up for Week 2 in Division 1 in the ChopStar Nation. Every team in that division that won in Week 1 lost, and every team in that division that lost in Week 1 won, leaving us with all six teams in Division 1 with a 1-1 record. Odd indeed. Luckily with this oddness comes some common sense: The Buck Nasty has filtered itself right to the top of the Division. All seems a little more right in the world seeing that glorious team at the top of their Division.
Meanwhile in Division 2, arguably the stronger of the two divisions, The Sexecutioner hangs onto the fourth spot in the Nation with its 1-1 record, with both TheFightingFighters and Gillemonsters taking the top two spots in the Division with their perfect records.
It is still early, Nationers, so don't get hung up if your record is 0-2 (Marshall or Brew City Bombers), but one CSNFFLC can't help but notice and then help but say that Fantasy Football is a fluid and every changing game, so if your team sucks (Marshall or The Mayhem! or ______) then you need to get active and drop your duds, draft some studs, look at match-ups and pick up Free Agents accordingly and in general participate. Every week is a new week in the ChopStar Nation.
Just saying.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Week 2 Match-Ups in the ChopStar Nation
It's week two in the Nation. I have decided to be like all zen and shit and forget that week one even happened. This sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Okay, it rarely works, but time does move on and if The Buck Nasty does happen to beat the GreenpointAttack! this week, all could be right in the world yet again. I have low expectations though. My frayed and frazzled emotions would completely shatter if I came into this week all cocky and then lost to some guy who lives in fucking Greenpoint. I mean this guy lives in Greenpoint Brooklyn like on purpose. He likes it. He wants to move soon...but to another place in fucking Greenpoint. It is tough to take a guy like this seriously, in Fantasy Football or in other less important things.
Okay, rant is over. Let's look at our other match-ups.
Our scrappy upstart teams, The Mayhem! and TheFightingFighters both came out of week one with wins and now find themselves head to head in week two. Truth be told, they are pretty evenly matched. Fighters have lame RBs. Mayhem! have lame WRs. Really fucking lame WRs. All in all, this will come down to the Fighters QB (Aaron Rodgers) and their DEF (a scrappy little team called Baltimore) wiping up the floor with The Mayhem!, leaving little bits of Billy Cueto all over the place. Yuck.
Marshall wants to sell their team. And they should. The problem is that their team is so shitty that no one wants to buy them. So, what's the coach of Marshall to do? First, you bench Steven Jackson as he is not likely to play. Second, you put in Bennie Wells and you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that Bennie Wells plays like the player he was always suppose to be. And lastly, if you are the coach of Marshall, you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that the Gillemonster's one-two punch of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant get mono and have to stay in bed all weekend. Good luck coach, you're going to need it.
The SwineFlu! couldn't find a suitable trade for Drew Brees, I guess. At least Drew Brees is his starter still. They will need him. The Warriors are riding high after their win last week...Wes Welker is still running. They still have Peyton Manning on the bench, with Schaub filling in at QB. He and his WR Andre Johnson will probably eat up Miami's DEF, so the Flu will get no love there. The Flu's only real hope is that the Bears play as strong as they did last week -- on both sides of the ball -- which will kill the Warriors DEF. The Flu needs to buck up their RB corps and hope that their WRs actually come out to play this week. I have faith in SwineFlu!, just not this week. Maybe week three will be your week...wait, oops, you play the Nasty in week three. Just sit back and rest until week four...that will be your week...promise.
After the embarrassing loss to Mayhem! -- sorry Mayhem!, but any loss to you will be embarrassing for all of us -- the Brew City Bombers are going to be coming out swinging this week. The Sexecutioners lost in a squeaker last week too, and they want to come out swinging, but it looks more like they will be lucky to land a limp-wristed slap, which will probably do little more than hurt their hand. Okay, that may be overstating the Sex position, but I liked the simile and wanted to run with it. Actually this match will be close. My prediction...I think....I believe...wait for it...the Bombers will get their first win, leaving the Sex with nothing more than a bum hand and a limp dick. BOOM! Suck it.
This just in -- the SackBags have benched their first round pick. It's true. Mark Sanchez is on the bench. So, let's take a look at which other handsome Latino the SackBags have found to lead their team at QB...oh, that's funny...they have put in Matt Stafford, the second whitest man in football. Latino power is at an all time low here in the Nation. Stafford finds green peppers to be too spicy...true story. And his celebratory end-zone post touchdown dance is the worst Robot I've ever seen. Sad now. But, wait. There is hope...Latino hope here in the Nation. The Thunderhorses have Julio Jones as their WR3. JULIO, JULIO, JULIO!!!! I'm choosing to believe that there is some Latin blood coursing through a guy named Julio. I will not research this further. I am going to just believe, because isn't being Latino really a state of mind...whoops, no, now I'm being told that to be a Latino you have to be a person of Latin-American or Spanish-speaking descent and it really has nothing to do with a state of mind. Sad again. Anyway, I give this match-up to the Thunderhorses, our one and only team with at least one guy with hot Latin blood running through him, or is at least named after someone with hot Latin blood running through him, which is good enough for me.
There you have it. Week two match-ups here in the ChopStar Nation. Enjoy. Oh, and the whitest guy in football...Tiki Barber. Easy.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Okay, rant is over. Let's look at our other match-ups.
Our scrappy upstart teams, The Mayhem! and TheFightingFighters both came out of week one with wins and now find themselves head to head in week two. Truth be told, they are pretty evenly matched. Fighters have lame RBs. Mayhem! have lame WRs. Really fucking lame WRs. All in all, this will come down to the Fighters QB (Aaron Rodgers) and their DEF (a scrappy little team called Baltimore) wiping up the floor with The Mayhem!, leaving little bits of Billy Cueto all over the place. Yuck.
Marshall wants to sell their team. And they should. The problem is that their team is so shitty that no one wants to buy them. So, what's the coach of Marshall to do? First, you bench Steven Jackson as he is not likely to play. Second, you put in Bennie Wells and you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that Bennie Wells plays like the player he was always suppose to be. And lastly, if you are the coach of Marshall, you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that the Gillemonster's one-two punch of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant get mono and have to stay in bed all weekend. Good luck coach, you're going to need it.
The SwineFlu! couldn't find a suitable trade for Drew Brees, I guess. At least Drew Brees is his starter still. They will need him. The Warriors are riding high after their win last week...Wes Welker is still running. They still have Peyton Manning on the bench, with Schaub filling in at QB. He and his WR Andre Johnson will probably eat up Miami's DEF, so the Flu will get no love there. The Flu's only real hope is that the Bears play as strong as they did last week -- on both sides of the ball -- which will kill the Warriors DEF. The Flu needs to buck up their RB corps and hope that their WRs actually come out to play this week. I have faith in SwineFlu!, just not this week. Maybe week three will be your week...wait, oops, you play the Nasty in week three. Just sit back and rest until week four...that will be your week...promise.
After the embarrassing loss to Mayhem! -- sorry Mayhem!, but any loss to you will be embarrassing for all of us -- the Brew City Bombers are going to be coming out swinging this week. The Sexecutioners lost in a squeaker last week too, and they want to come out swinging, but it looks more like they will be lucky to land a limp-wristed slap, which will probably do little more than hurt their hand. Okay, that may be overstating the Sex position, but I liked the simile and wanted to run with it. Actually this match will be close. My prediction...I think....I believe...wait for it...the Bombers will get their first win, leaving the Sex with nothing more than a bum hand and a limp dick. BOOM! Suck it.
This just in -- the SackBags have benched their first round pick. It's true. Mark Sanchez is on the bench. So, let's take a look at which other handsome Latino the SackBags have found to lead their team at QB...oh, that's funny...they have put in Matt Stafford, the second whitest man in football. Latino power is at an all time low here in the Nation. Stafford finds green peppers to be too spicy...true story. And his celebratory end-zone post touchdown dance is the worst Robot I've ever seen. Sad now. But, wait. There is hope...Latino hope here in the Nation. The Thunderhorses have Julio Jones as their WR3. JULIO, JULIO, JULIO!!!! I'm choosing to believe that there is some Latin blood coursing through a guy named Julio. I will not research this further. I am going to just believe, because isn't being Latino really a state of mind...whoops, no, now I'm being told that to be a Latino you have to be a person of Latin-American or Spanish-speaking descent and it really has nothing to do with a state of mind. Sad again. Anyway, I give this match-up to the Thunderhorses, our one and only team with at least one guy with hot Latin blood running through him, or is at least named after someone with hot Latin blood running through him, which is good enough for me.
There you have it. Week two match-ups here in the ChopStar Nation. Enjoy. Oh, and the whitest guy in football...Tiki Barber. Easy.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Week 1 Recap
This was a wild one. Nothing was more crazy than The Warriors beating The Buck Nasty. Well, that isn't true. The fact that God Hearts SackBags came within 10 points of beating GreenpointAttack! was probably the craziest thing to have happen. Six winners, six losers. Here's what happened:
Wes Welker led the Warriors as they put a little baby spanking on the Buck Nasty. No kicker and lame DEF seems to hurt more than you'd expect.
Marshall has decided to suck, a lot. And the FightingFighters have decided to be good this year. Who knew this was going to happen, or even be possible? A good kicker and terrible DEF is Marshall. A bad kicker and good DEF is the Fighters. And, no surprise, a good DEF will always trump a good kicker. Keep your head up Marshall. Love is all around.
Gillemonsters squeaked past the Sexecutioners with the Tony Romo and Dez Bryant one-two punch. Killer production by Kenny Britt and MJD was just not enough for the Sex. I have it on good authority that the Sex's loss was almost as satisfying to the GreenpointAttack as their own victory over the Sackbags. But, to be honest, it is kind hard to feel very good about beating the Sackbags. Sanchez did okay though. Latino power.
The battle for supremacy in Chicago wasn't really much of a battle. The Flu infected themselves with mediocracy and an all around poor showing by each player except for the QB and DEF. Meanwhile, pretty much every player on Thunderhorse squad came to motherfucking play. The SwineFlu has dusted themselves off, recruited some new blood, and put Drew Brees on the trading block. So you people with a shitty QB, get in there and offer this guy a trade before Jay Cutler has a shitty week and the SwineFlu coach realizes that Brees is too good to give up.
Lastly, The Mayhem! came to play. Look at Billy Cueto and his first win. He's so cute and cuddly. His running backs killed, and his QB made up for his WRs pretty much sucking. The Bombers were hurt by Mendenhall's terrible play and Green Bay's DEF being uber lackluster. Next week Bombers, there is always next week.
So that was Week 1. I pretty much hated it, but I am trying to stay optimistic. Week 2 preview will be posted later in the week, so be on the look out.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wes Welker led the Warriors as they put a little baby spanking on the Buck Nasty. No kicker and lame DEF seems to hurt more than you'd expect.
Marshall has decided to suck, a lot. And the FightingFighters have decided to be good this year. Who knew this was going to happen, or even be possible? A good kicker and terrible DEF is Marshall. A bad kicker and good DEF is the Fighters. And, no surprise, a good DEF will always trump a good kicker. Keep your head up Marshall. Love is all around.
Gillemonsters squeaked past the Sexecutioners with the Tony Romo and Dez Bryant one-two punch. Killer production by Kenny Britt and MJD was just not enough for the Sex. I have it on good authority that the Sex's loss was almost as satisfying to the GreenpointAttack as their own victory over the Sackbags. But, to be honest, it is kind hard to feel very good about beating the Sackbags. Sanchez did okay though. Latino power.
The battle for supremacy in Chicago wasn't really much of a battle. The Flu infected themselves with mediocracy and an all around poor showing by each player except for the QB and DEF. Meanwhile, pretty much every player on Thunderhorse squad came to motherfucking play. The SwineFlu has dusted themselves off, recruited some new blood, and put Drew Brees on the trading block. So you people with a shitty QB, get in there and offer this guy a trade before Jay Cutler has a shitty week and the SwineFlu coach realizes that Brees is too good to give up.
Lastly, The Mayhem! came to play. Look at Billy Cueto and his first win. He's so cute and cuddly. His running backs killed, and his QB made up for his WRs pretty much sucking. The Bombers were hurt by Mendenhall's terrible play and Green Bay's DEF being uber lackluster. Next week Bombers, there is always next week.
So that was Week 1. I pretty much hated it, but I am trying to stay optimistic. Week 2 preview will be posted later in the week, so be on the look out.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Week 1 Match-Ups Part 2
Here we go again. ChopStar Nation Week 1 Match-Ups Part 2. NFL starts tomorrow in Green Bay, where our own Sara Gilley will be. Maybe she can take some photos and we can post them here. Just saying. Tell Aaron Rodgers "hi."
Now let's look at our three other match-ups for this week.
The SwineFlu vs. Thunderhorses. The battle for Chicago supremacy will be over once I get there, so this match-up is key for who will be in second place for the remainder of the year. Who will be number 2 in Chicago? SwineFlu come sprinting out of the gate with Drew Brees as QB, then we look down and see not one, not two, but three mediocre WRs, sad but true. But there is hope in there monster RB crew of Greene on the Jets and Blount on Bucs. These two go together nicely. Questions plague the Thunderhorses as well. Will Greg Jennings have a good year with Finley back. Will Arian Foster repeat his performance of last year, or is he a Fantasy Football one-hit wonder? All in all, this will shake out with a Thunderhorse win, but it will closer than what Yahoo predicts.
TheGreenpointAttack! vs. God Hearts Sackbags. Let's go Sanchez! Let's go Sanchez! Actually, it is tough for me admit, but I think Sanchez will have a decent week this week if avoids turnovers, so the QB pointer will probably lean over to the Sackbags this week...what...oh wait...GreenpointAttack has Vick? Okay, fuck that. Vick will kill Sanchez, and then he will go back in time and kill Sanchez's father so Mark Sanchez will have never existed, leaving the Sackbags with no QB at all. Luckily for the Sackbags, both teams WRs are equally good, but not great, just good. Unluckily for the Sackbags, the Attack's RBs are both twice their RBs. Seriously, Heartbags, who the fuck did you draft in early rounds? Oh, that's right, the soon-to-be-never-have-existed Mark Sanchez. That was funny. Anyway, GreenpointAttack will slaughter the Sackbags this week and probably any other week they play them.
The Mayhem! vs. Brew City Bombers. The Mayhem!'s coach came into this season with guns a blazing. It was just too bad his energy wasn't better spent on draft day. Seriously, if it weren't for God Hearts Sackbags, The Mayhem! would be the one we were all making fun of on draft day. We will all be making fun of him for the rest of the year as Eli Manning fumbles and throws picks, Percy Harvin gets headaches, Roy Williams dies of old age, and Darren McFadden and Michael Turner each get injured from overuse. But if The Mayhem! wants to get a win, this could be the week for them. Both RBs on the Bombers have a lot to prove, especially Matthews. And Green Bay's DEF could get crushed by a hungry Saints offense. Mayhem! could really come out of this week with a win, but they won't. I wish I could say it will be close, but it won't be. Rest easy Mayhemers!, next year is only 12 short months away.
There you have it. Our Week 1 forecast. Be sure to go to each Match-Up page and vote for who you think will win...I am looking for full participation this year.
Keep the comments coming. And click on an ad. We need beer here at HQ.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Now let's look at our three other match-ups for this week.
The SwineFlu vs. Thunderhorses. The battle for Chicago supremacy will be over once I get there, so this match-up is key for who will be in second place for the remainder of the year. Who will be number 2 in Chicago? SwineFlu come sprinting out of the gate with Drew Brees as QB, then we look down and see not one, not two, but three mediocre WRs, sad but true. But there is hope in there monster RB crew of Greene on the Jets and Blount on Bucs. These two go together nicely. Questions plague the Thunderhorses as well. Will Greg Jennings have a good year with Finley back. Will Arian Foster repeat his performance of last year, or is he a Fantasy Football one-hit wonder? All in all, this will shake out with a Thunderhorse win, but it will closer than what Yahoo predicts.
TheGreenpointAttack! vs. God Hearts Sackbags. Let's go Sanchez! Let's go Sanchez! Actually, it is tough for me admit, but I think Sanchez will have a decent week this week if avoids turnovers, so the QB pointer will probably lean over to the Sackbags this week...what...oh wait...GreenpointAttack has Vick? Okay, fuck that. Vick will kill Sanchez, and then he will go back in time and kill Sanchez's father so Mark Sanchez will have never existed, leaving the Sackbags with no QB at all. Luckily for the Sackbags, both teams WRs are equally good, but not great, just good. Unluckily for the Sackbags, the Attack's RBs are both twice their RBs. Seriously, Heartbags, who the fuck did you draft in early rounds? Oh, that's right, the soon-to-be-never-have-existed Mark Sanchez. That was funny. Anyway, GreenpointAttack will slaughter the Sackbags this week and probably any other week they play them.
The Mayhem! vs. Brew City Bombers. The Mayhem!'s coach came into this season with guns a blazing. It was just too bad his energy wasn't better spent on draft day. Seriously, if it weren't for God Hearts Sackbags, The Mayhem! would be the one we were all making fun of on draft day. We will all be making fun of him for the rest of the year as Eli Manning fumbles and throws picks, Percy Harvin gets headaches, Roy Williams dies of old age, and Darren McFadden and Michael Turner each get injured from overuse. But if The Mayhem! wants to get a win, this could be the week for them. Both RBs on the Bombers have a lot to prove, especially Matthews. And Green Bay's DEF could get crushed by a hungry Saints offense. Mayhem! could really come out of this week with a win, but they won't. I wish I could say it will be close, but it won't be. Rest easy Mayhemers!, next year is only 12 short months away.
There you have it. Our Week 1 forecast. Be sure to go to each Match-Up page and vote for who you think will win...I am looking for full participation this year.
Keep the comments coming. And click on an ad. We need beer here at HQ.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Week 1 Match-Ups Part 1
Here we are going into Week 1 of the ChopStar Nation. Fall is coming and we will be as close as we will ever get to heaven on Earth when Thursday night comes and they kick-off the 2011 NFL season, with the Green Bay Packers hosting the New Orleans Saints. Big game, with big implications. But, before that, let's take a look at the first three Week 1 match-ups we have here in the Nation.
Look for our scouting report on the other three match-ups in the ChopStar Nation tomorrow.
The Buck Nasty vs. The Warriors. The Warriors have already stumbled out of the starting blocks with their beloved Peyton Manning sitting on the bench, leaving them to start the perfectly-competent-but-still-no-Peyton-Manning Matt Schaub at QB. This was a blow, but not a death blow. On the other side of the field, we have a young and invigorated Nasty team with Josh Freeman at the helm. The Nasty has assembled a pretty group of young and not so young men to surround Freeman, none more so then what we predict to be the monster Jimmy Graham at TE. All in all, The Warriors will be lucky to walk away without being completely slaughtered. If no one on The Warriors dies, they should consider Week 1 not a total loss.
Gillemonster vs. The Sexecutioner. The Monsters feel so good about their team that they feel it unnecessary to field a kicker. That is some balls on those Monsters. It probably doesn't matter too much, as the monster RB combo of MJD and A. Peterson will be this week, and every week after, the backbone of The Sexecutioners. Vincent Jackson ain't bad either...he is no Calvin Johnson, but he ain't bad. With our without a kicker on the Gillemonster team, things are leaning decisively toward being a Sexy week in Week 1.
Marsahll vs. TheFightingFighters. Wow! Aaron Rodgers looks to be almost twice the man of Matt Ryan, or, at least, twice the QB. Can this be? That seems a little much. But we will see. It looks to this humble CSNFFLC that Yahoo is giving a little too much credit to the great-white-hope, Peyton Hillis, over there on the Fighters, but he is strong and fast, especially at the beginning of the season, so maybe they are not too off. Maybe Marshall will dump one of their extraneous QBs and find a better WR, or maybe they will just put in Malcom Floyd and let Malcom Floyd be Malcom Floyd. Either way, this match-up will be closer than Yahoo predicts, but still the nod goes to TheFightingFighters to get the win here.
That's our first three match-ups for the Week 1. Come back tomorrow to see what the CSNFFLC thinks of our other three match-ups.
On a personal note, I just want to tell all of you in the Nation how touched I am with you leaving comments, and bantering, and smack talking, and in general making this a community of people that joined together to have fun and banter and smack talk and communicate with one another. Oh wait, none of that is happening. I am fucking talking to myself here. Is this going out to some sort of Al Gore internet vacuums. Does anyone give a shit? Because we here at the ChopStar Nation headquarters are starting to feel unappreciated and unloved.
So, fuck you.
ETL
CSNFFLC
Look for our scouting report on the other three match-ups in the ChopStar Nation tomorrow.
The Buck Nasty vs. The Warriors. The Warriors have already stumbled out of the starting blocks with their beloved Peyton Manning sitting on the bench, leaving them to start the perfectly-competent-but-still-no-Peyton-Manning Matt Schaub at QB. This was a blow, but not a death blow. On the other side of the field, we have a young and invigorated Nasty team with Josh Freeman at the helm. The Nasty has assembled a pretty group of young and not so young men to surround Freeman, none more so then what we predict to be the monster Jimmy Graham at TE. All in all, The Warriors will be lucky to walk away without being completely slaughtered. If no one on The Warriors dies, they should consider Week 1 not a total loss.
Gillemonster vs. The Sexecutioner. The Monsters feel so good about their team that they feel it unnecessary to field a kicker. That is some balls on those Monsters. It probably doesn't matter too much, as the monster RB combo of MJD and A. Peterson will be this week, and every week after, the backbone of The Sexecutioners. Vincent Jackson ain't bad either...he is no Calvin Johnson, but he ain't bad. With our without a kicker on the Gillemonster team, things are leaning decisively toward being a Sexy week in Week 1.
Marsahll vs. TheFightingFighters. Wow! Aaron Rodgers looks to be almost twice the man of Matt Ryan, or, at least, twice the QB. Can this be? That seems a little much. But we will see. It looks to this humble CSNFFLC that Yahoo is giving a little too much credit to the great-white-hope, Peyton Hillis, over there on the Fighters, but he is strong and fast, especially at the beginning of the season, so maybe they are not too off. Maybe Marshall will dump one of their extraneous QBs and find a better WR, or maybe they will just put in Malcom Floyd and let Malcom Floyd be Malcom Floyd. Either way, this match-up will be closer than Yahoo predicts, but still the nod goes to TheFightingFighters to get the win here.
That's our first three match-ups for the Week 1. Come back tomorrow to see what the CSNFFLC thinks of our other three match-ups.
On a personal note, I just want to tell all of you in the Nation how touched I am with you leaving comments, and bantering, and smack talking, and in general making this a community of people that joined together to have fun and banter and smack talk and communicate with one another. Oh wait, none of that is happening. I am fucking talking to myself here. Is this going out to some sort of Al Gore internet vacuums. Does anyone give a shit? Because we here at the ChopStar Nation headquarters are starting to feel unappreciated and unloved.
So, fuck you.
ETL
CSNFFLC
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