Here are your Week 1 ChopStar Nation predictions, based on geography and other such nonsense in our CSNFFLC's head. These predictions in no way should be considered scientific, researched, or even thought through. Many, if not all of you, should feel free to quit reading here. In case you don't...Enjoy!
Week 1 Match-Ups:
- The 2012 Champs (Marshall) versus our beloved Buck Nasty, who we can say came nowhere near playing for the championship last year. So, both teams have a lot to prove. One team was born in Europe, taking us in the Nation global, while the other was born in our Chi-Town HQ. That's a tie. No advantage there. Seriously, we think this game will result in the ever elusive tie. A first in the Nation.
- Two autopicked teams. One formally of Greenpoint, Brooklyn (hence the name), now residing in Queens (so, why no name change?). One formally of the greater Los Angeles area, now residing in Brooklyn. Advantage easily goes to TheFightingFighters here, I mean as much as they try, Queens shall never trump Brooklyn. That's a fact! Soon the TheFightingFighters will yet again relocate, this time to Long Island City, so if we ever do these geographically based predictions again we will seriously have to re-evaluate their standing.
- Autodrafted Mayhem! versus our semi-autodrafted Thunderhorses. Mayhem! out in LA versus the Oregon's wilds drafted Thunderhorses. Advantage there has to go to Thunderhorses, if for no other reason than the effort, right? Mayhem! has a lot to prove this year, but still, the Thunderhorses shall prevail.
- Our sole Texas team, the Sackbags against one of our two West Coast teams. Or is the Sisterhood back in Brooklyn? We have such a hard time keeping up with where exactly the Sisterhood is at all times that we are now seriously considering putting one of those chips in the scruff of their neck so we will no longer have to worry. But...anyway...no matter where the Sisterhood is, the advantage here is simple, it will always go against the Sackbags, as we would all like to forget the Alamo and let Texas secede from the Union and go on their crazy, merry way. Take Kansas with you, please.
- The newest team in the Nation versus the Milwaukee maulers. Just joking, the Bombers rarely if ever maul anything. Their too gentle and bad at Fantasy Football. They are more like cuddlers. But we digress...Ex Prez is based here in Chicago, not such a far cry from Milwaukee. So this one is wash as well. No advantage to give. Maybe because they are new, we will throw the Ex Prez a bone and give them a tiny advantage. Super tiny. Like the femur of a baby chick.Brooklyn based Warriors against the Andersonville based SwineFlu is a close one. The SwineFlu cared enough to draft live even though they were fighting storms and having trees attack their home, so for no other reason than perseverance, the Flu can take the clear advantage here, especially since the Warriors missed the draft because they were "wandering around Brooklyn, taking in the glorious city that is New York and wondering why everything around them has to cost so damn much." Lame. True story too.
So, there you have it. The weirdest predictions you will probably ever get. Let's see if I'm right. The winners will be FightingFighters, Thunderhorses, Muslim Sisterhood, The Ex Presidents, and The SwineFlu. Marshall and The Buck Nasty will TIE. Take that one to the BANK!
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
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