Week 3 Recap

Dearest Nation,

First, we want to thank you all for finally clarifying just what a bunch of lazy pieces of shit you are.  Last week we asked for some solid smack talk about your Week 2 match-ups and all we got was a confused reply from the Sisterhood listlessly picking themselves and wondering what they won, and the anal Fighters pointing out a typo in the post.  Lesson learned.  You suck.  We actually always thought that, but it is nice to now have it finally confirmed.

But, we shall sally forth.  We shall prevail.  We shall rally together and be stronger than our individual pieces and remain the mediocre Nation we have always been.

Here's what happened last week:

After an interesting Week 3, we now have no undefeated teams and all teams but one have at least one win.  Who is this 0-3 team?  That is our lackluster Thunderhorses.  They just can't seem to win.  They just barely got beat by the uncharacteristically lackluster Marshall, who had weak performances from pretty much every member of their team except for Brees and Julio Jones.  Sadly, for the Horses, their team unbelievably performed worse, getting a goose-egg from the kicker getting five points or less from five of their players.  That means they got five or less points from six out of nine players.  That is not a good way to win.  Just saying.  Maybe the Horses can beat the Warriors this week, but maybe not.

What else happened?  The Buck Nasty lost to Brew City Bombers, which sucked.  Nothing else needs to be said about that.  The Nasty will rally and take out the pain they are feeling from this loss on the TheGreenPointAttack!.  Sorry in advance GPA.  This will probably hurt.

Speaking of the GPA, they lost a tight and high flying game in Week 3 to The Warriors.  Jimmy Graham, Cam Newton, and surprisingly enough Matt Prater's (every Bronco just seems to seep fantasy points, no matter what position) killer performances just weren't enough to overcome the solid and steady performances from pretty much every Warrior this week.  Maybe GPA can lick their wounds after the assured beating they will take this week and hope to rally for a win in Week 5.

The biggest surprise in this season, thus far, is how scrappy these SackBags have become.  Or course, the piss poor performance by the FightingFighters didn't hurt the SackBags campaign of scrappiness one bit, but still...this is shocking and new for us.  We have all grown so used to the SackBags sucking week in and week out that we really don't know what to say.  It is like the Cleveland Browns rallying and kicking the shit out of the Vikings after they pretty much conceded this season and are banking on a solid draft class in 2014.  That shit just doesn't happen, right?

Speaking of scrappiness, how about this Mayhem!?  They are putting up decent numbers at every position.  The big zero by Vernon Davis (and pretty much all SF 49ers last week) didn't help the Ex Prez this week, but they will back.  Aaron Rogers will see to that.  Still, one has to worry about the Jacksonville Jaguars heavy team the Mayhem! has assembled going forward in the future.  But, hey!  Enjoy the Week 3 win while you can Mayhem!

Oh, SwineFlu!  You have problems.  One wonders how you can't beat the Muslim Sisterhood, who had every player on their team but the kicker and QB under score their expectations.  But, lick your wounds.  Pick yourself up off the floor.  You have Josh Gordon, who seems to be jumping right into beast mode and in Week 5 you should have Eddie Lacy back.  So things just might be looking up.

That is Week 3 for you.  We will have no more requests for you to participate here.  It seems to be too much to ask.

Our own picks will resume this week.  Be on the lookout for those on Thursday.

Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

Rank	Team	W-L-T		Points
Division 1
2	The Ex Presidents	2-1-0		320.88
3	The Buck Nasty	2-1-0		304.90
5	The Mayhem!	2-1-0		288.60
6	Marshall	2-1-0		277.74
10	Brew City Bombers	1-2-0		281.64
12	Thunderhorses	0-3-0		242.86
Division 2
1	Muslim Sisterhood	2-1-0		326.72
4	The Warriors	2-1-0		289.36
7	GodHeartsSackBags	2-1-0		260.22
8	GreenpointAttack!	1-2-0		326.22
9	The SwineFlu	1-2-0		283.62
11	TheFightingFighters	1-2-0		254.96

Week 3 Picks

Well, seeing how we got no participation -- that's right: zero responses -- in our first ever smacktalk challenge, we want each and every one of you motherfuckers to lose.  That's right.  No picks.  Everyone can go suck a bag a dicks for all we care.

Week 2 Recap

Well, here we are coming in to being knee deep into Week 3 of the 2013 season.  We got cream rising to top (The Ex Presidents, The Buck Nasty) and we have some shit on the floor that we are all trying not to step into (Brew City Bombers, Thunderhorses).  And there is a whole lot mediocrity in the middle, with a slew of one win, one loss teams.  But it is only Week 3, so there is a lot of Fantasy Football yet to go.  The shit on the floor just may turn into gold.  One never knows, does one?

Marshall is already basking in their one-win glory.  It was a nice win.  And, lucky for them, they have one of those shitty teams to play in Week 3, so they just may parlay this into double-win.  But, again, one never knows.

The biggest upset in Week 2 was when our own Muslim Sisterhood tripped on their very large dicks and fell flat on their faces.  True story.  Lucky for the GreenPointAttack that they were playing them and scoring record setting points, enough to have beaten each and every one of us in the Nation.  Nicely done.  Even if it was mostly done on the backs of DeSean "How Long Can I Really Last in this Chip Kelly Offense" Jackson and Jimmy "Thank God I Don't Play in New England, Where TEs Either Kill People or Bust Themselves Up Pretty Fierce" Graham.  Two nice go to guys, but can they really support a rather weak team for an entire season?  We shall see.

The second biggest upset last week goes to The SackBags.  Who knew this little Texas team was going to come to play this year?  Grabbing up Eddie Royal turned out to be a brilliant move.  Go get 'em SackBags.  Of course, the Flu's two terrible RBs and awful TE did nothing but help the SackBags on to their first win.  Got to love it (unless you are a flu).

The Buck Nasty won.  No surprise.

Thunderhorses lost.  No surprise.  They are waiting patiently for the BYE weeks to start and hoping that most of their opponent's key players out the week they play them.  How else can they win?

The Warriors eked out a win over TheFightingFighters.  Tough loss for TheFighters, but nice win for The Warriors.

So it goes.

Were all of our picks right last week?  No.  Were more than half right?  No.  But exactly half were right, so we are still calling that a win.  We, here at the Nation HQ, have always been "the glass is half full" sort of people.  That's just how we roll.

CHOPSTAR NATION WEEK 3 CHALLENGE!!!

Week 3 picks will be coming out Thursday.  To make it interesting, we are going to pick the team that gives us the best reason for why the team they are playing this week sucks so bad.  So, get your comments posted here posthaste and we will see if you can get our affections leaning your way.  Best of luck to you all, except The Mayhem!


Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

Week 2 Predictions

Here we go...into the wild blue yonders of Week 2 in the ChopStar Nation.  Who will win?  Who will lose?  The world is all a twitter with expectation.  Here are your match-ups and here is what we think will happen:

1. The Buck Nasty vs. The Mayhem!

   The surprise upset the Mayhem! gave to the old Thunderhorses last week still reverberates throughout their locker room.  They like to get all the good news they can.  Because, you know, it is so few and far between.  Sadly, their luck does not continue into Week 2, when they run smack dab into the Nasty, who also happen to be pretty high off their Week 1 win.  This one is predicted to be closer than it really will be.  Pick this week: The Buck Nasty.
   
   

2. The GreenPointAttack! vs. Muslim Sisterhood

   The juggernaut that is the Sisterhood against our own little David in the GreenPointers.  This one should really be a no-brainer, right?  Sisterhood should slaughter the GPA, right?  Well, normally we would say this is the no-brainer of no-brainers, but we heard a rumor that Danny Amendola won't be playing this Thursday night for the GPA, and suddenly this no-brainer of no-brainers got all the more brainless.  Does that make sense?  If not, here's our pick to win: Muslim Sisterhood.
   
   

3. Marshall vs. Brew City Bombers

   Marshall really wants to start their come back here in Week 2.  And we would like that for them.  The Bombers would like one too, which honestly just seems a whole lot more likely.  All three of the Bombers WRs should step up and have a big week, dwarfing all of Marshall's little, tiny WRs.  Okay, except for Tavon Austin, none of Marshall's WRs are particularly small, but except for Julio Jones, none of them will put up the numbers they need to to get past BCB.  Sorry, Marshall.  There is always Week 3 to start your campaign to victory.  Pick this week: Brew City Bombers.
   
   

4. The FightingFighters vs. The Warriors

   The question of what to do with David Wilson will plague the Fighters this week, much like it will plague them each week.  And right now, they don't have much of bench to dip into to replace the guy.  So, that being said, along with Warriors looking to make up for last week's lost, and their two solid but as of yet sort of under-utilized RB twosome, leads us to the only conclusion any sane person can make.  Prediction: The Warriors.
   
   

5. Thunderhorses vs. The Ex Presidents

   By all accounts and any measure, this one looks to be close.  Even their benches are predicted to get ridiculously close scores.  So, who is to say which is to win?  Oh.  That's right.  We are.  And with the Ex Prez's Green Bay Packers heavy team against the rattled Washington Redskins DEF, the edge has to go their way, right?  Yep, that's right.  This weeks pick: The Ex Presidents.
   
   

6. God Hearts SackBags vs. The SwineFlu

   Many of you have messaged me, asking if God Hearts SackBags are going to get their shit together.  To which we replied: Like in Fantasy Football, or just in general?  To which most of you said, Well, originally I was just asking about Fantasy Football, but, now that you mention it, do you think they will ever get their shit together in a general sense?  Our answer: maybe.  But probably not this week.  Easy prediction: The SwineFlu.
   

And here are your rankings after Week 1: 

Rank	Team	W-L-T		Points
Division 1
2	The Buck Nasty	1-0-0		137.16
4	The Ex Presidents	1-0-0		122.02
6	The Mayhem!	1-0-0		107.78
8	Brew City Bombers	0-1-0		94.62
9	Thunderhorses	0-1-0		87.18
11	Marshall	0-1-0		84.28
Division 2
1	Muslim Sisterhood	1-0-0		149.78
3	The SwineFlu	1-0-0		128.22
5	TheFightingFighters	1-0-0		113.50
7	The Warriors	0-1-0		95.86
10	TheGreenpointAttack!	0-1-0		87.00
12	God Hearts SackBags	0-1-0		47.52

Best of luck to all of you that are not the The Mayhem!

This has been ETL your CSNFFLC

Week 1 Recap

Dear Nation,

Many of you, both privately and publicly, poo-pooed not only our methods but the quality of our prognostications in our Week 1 Predictions.  Turns out, with the exception of the tie between Buck Nasty and Marshall (more on that later), we here at the Nation's HQ were 100% correct*.  That's right, we NAILED IT!!!  Will this happen ever week?  Maybe not.  But, also, maybe so.  We are that hot right now.

Now on to this Buck Nasty vs. Marshall match-up.  This was a brutal mess, as these Buck Nasty contenders came out swinging.  They nailed Marshall with a good one-two punch of Matt Forte and Reggie Bush, added a dash AJ Green, and didn't go to bed without dropping a double-dose a Jason Witten on their asses.  Then the Nasty laid off, not wanting to kick another team while they were down.  Then Monday Night Football came along and the Nasty shot an RGIII sized whole in their motherfucking faces.  OUCH!  Marshall's coach has been on a world wide tour for something-er-other, and has now returned to the good old USA, promising to knuckle down and get things in order before everything goes too far off the tracks.  We dare any of you to try to get any more metaphors into one paragraph.  It can't be done.  We tried.

The FightingFighters vs. GreenPointAttack!.  Queens superiority goes to the Fighters.  Not that anyone else really wanted it.  The Fighters love/hate relationship with NY Giants will probably go on all year as they roll back and forth with Victor Cruz (a monster) and David Wilson (a complete dud).  GreenPointAttack's team, for what it's worth, did pretty good, just not good enough.  With the exception of Greg Jennings, who was just not good at all, which is no real surprise.  Now GreenPoint's own love/hate relationship with NY Giants begins as he toils over whether they should start Reuben Randle over Jennings.  So it goes.

The Muslin Sisterhood completely crushed God Hearts SackBags by over 100 points.  That's what the Bags get for starting an injured TE and having one of the least productive WR corps we have ever seen.  It may be an uphill battle all year long for these guys.  To top it all off, their RBs suck too.  Have faith SackBags, you will need it.  Sisterhood needs only look to their QB position to know how they won.  Peyton Manning (the other Manning brother, not the one that wants to be a woman and is in jail for trading government secrets -- we think that one's name is Eli) had a pretty special night on Thursday last week.  We all wished we had P. Manning on our team, and if that wasn't so, we were all glad that we didn't have to play against him.  So, thanks Sackbags for taking one for all of us.  You have the thanks of grateful Nation.

The Ex Presidents vs. Brewcity Bombers.  The Ex Prez came out of the gate like a rocket.  They didn't even need one of their three WRs to catch a pass, which he didn't.  They needn't worry as ancient Anquan Boldin picked up all the slack, and then some.  Vernon Davis and Aaron Rodgers did some of the heavy lifting too.  Meanwhile, the Bombers didn't really have any duds this last week, but they certainly didn't have any stand-out stars either.  They will need to look around for a more viable RB2, in our humble opinion, or they could start Ryan Matthews, plug their nose like everyone else that starts Ryan Matthews, and pray he will finally do something worthwhile.  Just saying.

Warriors vs. SwineFlu.  If the Sisterhood hadn't beat the SackBags so soundly, this match-up would have been our slaughter of the week.  SwineFlu has a lot to play for.  They are usually pretty bad.  Not this year.  They are killer in WR and TE, which is good because they are a little weak in RB.  Add on a little Luck, Andrew Luck that is, and they have a solid team.  Warriors aren't completely lackluster, but they have some weaknesses in TE, DEF, and kicking that they might want to address.  Or they just may want to keep losing.  Up to them.

* We here at the Nation were 100% correct in our predictions except for our picking the Thunderhorses over Mayhem!  We were wrong.  We would like to admit it, but that would ruin our 100% record in picking winners for Week 1, so we won't.  Nice job Thunderhorses in your non-win.  With your wonderful WR crew, racking up a stellar 6.70 points (that's not a piece, that is all three WRs points added together), how could you not win?  Oh, that's right.  You have CJ Spiller as your RB1 that's how can't win.  And the Mayhem!?  They had Larry Fitz back in the action and Shady McCoy rocking the line.  Those two are going to take Mayhem! far this year.  We still hate Billy Cueto.  But you all know that.

There you have it.  Your recap.  Six teams win, six teams lose.  No teams tie.  Onward.

ETL
CSNFFLC

Week 1 Predictions

You've been asking for it, so now you got it.

Here are your Week 1 ChopStar Nation predictions, based on geography and other such nonsense in our CSNFFLC's head.  These predictions in no way should be considered scientific, researched, or even thought through.  Many, if not all of you, should feel free to quit reading here.  In case you don't...Enjoy!

Week 1 Match-Ups:

• The Buck Nasty
  Marshall

• The 2012 Champs (Marshall) versus our beloved Buck Nasty, who we can say came nowhere near playing for the championship last year.  So, both teams have a lot to prove.  One team was born in Europe, taking us in the Nation global, while the other was born in our Chi-Town HQ.  That's a tie.  No advantage there.  Seriously, we think this game will result in the ever elusive tie.  A first in the Nation. TheGreenpointAttack!
  TheFightingFighters

• Two autopicked teams.  One formally of Greenpoint, Brooklyn (hence the name), now residing in Queens (so, why no name change?).  One formally of the greater Los Angeles area, now residing in Brooklyn.  Advantage easily goes to TheFightingFighters here, I mean as much as they try, Queens shall never trump Brooklyn.  That's a fact!  Soon the TheFightingFighters will yet again relocate, this time to Long Island City, so if we ever do these geographically based predictions again we will seriously have to re-evaluate their standing. The Mayhem!
  Thunderhorses

• Autodrafted Mayhem! versus our semi-autodrafted Thunderhorses.  Mayhem! out in LA versus the Oregon's wilds drafted Thunderhorses.  Advantage there has to go to Thunderhorses, if for no other reason than the effort, right?  Mayhem! has a lot to prove this year, but still, the Thunderhorses shall prevail. Muslim Sisterhood
  God Hearts SackBags

• Our sole Texas team, the Sackbags against one of our two West Coast teams.  Or is the Sisterhood back in Brooklyn?  We have such a hard time keeping up with where exactly the Sisterhood is at all times that we are now seriously considering putting one of those chips in the scruff of their neck so we will no longer have to worry.  But...anyway...no matter where the Sisterhood is, the advantage here is simple, it will always go against the Sackbags, as we would all like to forget the Alamo and let Texas secede from the Union and go on their crazy, merry way.  Take Kansas with you, please. Brew City Bombers
  The Ex Presidents

• The newest team in the Nation versus the Milwaukee maulers.  Just joking, the Bombers rarely if ever maul anything.  Their too gentle and bad at Fantasy Football.  They are more like cuddlers.  But we digress...Ex Prez is based here in Chicago, not such a far cry from Milwaukee.  So this one is wash as well.  No advantage to give.  Maybe because they are new, we will throw the Ex Prez a bone and give them a tiny advantage.  Super tiny.  Like the femur of a baby chick. The Warriors
  The SwineFlu Brooklyn based Warriors against the Andersonville based SwineFlu is a close one.  The SwineFlu cared enough to draft live even though they were fighting storms and having trees attack their home, so for no other reason than perseverance, the Flu can take the clear advantage here, especially since the Warriors missed the draft because they were "wandering around Brooklyn, taking in the glorious city that is New York and wondering why everything around them has to cost so damn much." Lame.  True story too.

So, there you have it.  The weirdest predictions you will probably ever get.  Let's see if I'm right.  The winners will be FightingFighters, Thunderhorses, Muslim Sisterhood, The Ex Presidents, and The SwineFlu.  Marshall and The Buck Nasty will TIE.  Take that one to the BANK!

Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

Yahoo Grades and Such

Draft is over.  We had about half of the Nation logged in for the live drafting.  Props to Marshall for drafting all the way over in Europe, Norway no less.  I didn't even know Europe had the internet, but one is never too old to learn something new, is one?  And now thanks to Marshall, the ChopStar Nation is blowing up over there over the Atlantic.  We are viral.  I am in talks about getting this here blog translated into whatever language they all speak over there.  But note:  the talks are going very slowly, as I only speak English, and they all speak English too, but in some very thick accents, so I have to get everything translated anyway.  Details, details, details.  The story is they love us and want to love us more.  We will make that happen.  We will be global.  On it goes.

Smaller props to Thunderhorses for valiantly trying to draft their team on their iPhone while roaming the Oregon back roads.  Oregon ain't Europe, but it is kind of close (read: not that close at all).  Just knowing the Nation is out in the deep woods of Western USA puts a smile on our face.  Not a Norway sized smile, but a smile nonetheless.

Now on to something new in this Yahoo Fantasy Football world.  They are now grading our draft results and predicting where each team will end up at the end of a long grueling season.  Assuming that no one will drop or add a player or no injuries will occur, a terribly big assumption.  Here are grades they gave us:

Draft Grades

God Hearts SackBag - A

The Warriors - B+

Brew City Bombers - B

The Buck Nasty - B

Muslim Sisterhood - B

Marshall - B

TheFightingFighters - B

TheGreenpointAttack! - B

Thunderhorses - C+

The Mayhem! - C+

The Ex Presidents - C

The SwineFlu - C-

 

Here we would have to point out a little bi-polarishness on the part of Yahoo and their love/hate relationship with their own autopicking.  God Hearts SackBags autopicked.  As well as The Mayhem!  Yahoo gave the Sackbags an "A" for their own picking efforts, while giving The Mayhem! a "C+".  Nice to be a Sackbag.  Shitty to be a Mayhem!  Right?  We would argue no.  To our minds over here in HQ, the Sackbags team borderline kind of sucks with its aging WRs and thin RBs and unheard of backup wide receivers.  They even got autopicked a backup kicker.  Who the hell needs a backup kicker?  Meanwhile, The Mayhem!'s starting roster seems a bit more well-rounded and solid for a long sixteen week season.  Don't get us wrong, both these teams, along with all the other autopicked teams (and some not autopicked: are you reading this Ex Presidents? how about you SwineFlu?) need some early finessing.  They need some ironing.  Some massaging.  Whatever metaphor you'd like to use, they need it.  But, lesson is learned: fuck Yahoo and their draft grades.  I mean who in their right minds would put not one but three autopicked teams over The Buck Nasty?  No one, that's who.

Anyway.  Off we go.  Football starts Thursday night this week, so be sure to get your roster all set and pretty.  

Talk soon.

ETL

CSNFFL

Pre-Draft Post for all True Believers

Hello Nation.  We here at the Nation HQ are busy trying out some Mock Drafts, seeing just where Tebow falls this year.  Not as soon as you'd think, as it turns out.  That being said, there will be little to know doubt that our fearless GodHearts the ole Sackbags will pick him much earlier than expected.  Round 2?

So it goes.

This year's draft is quickly coming up on us.  This Sunday at 4 in the p.m. if you happen to live in the Central Time Zone, to be exact.  If you don't live in the Central Time Zone, I can only imagine that the draft will be at some other time.  You should verify those sort of things with you and yours.

Best of luck to all of you in this year's draft, and the season to come.  I have great expectations for all us in the Nation.  I would at some point in the near or far future like to get us all together for a group photo, you know, for posterity.  People will look back, long after this blog is over, football is banned for its utter brutality, and the lot of us will just be heads floating in jars with our minds hardwired into some motherboard out in space.  Won't it be fun to see just what we looked way back when?  I really can't wait.

Anyway, that's what we've been up to.

See you on the wild interwebs Sunday afternoon.

Yours,

ETL
CSNFFLC

ChopStar Nation 2013 -- The New Beginning

Here it comes, Nation.  Here it comes.  The 2013 season is just around the corner, and I, for one, couldn't be happier.  The sun is starting to shine just a little bit brighter.  The air seems to be getting cleaner (could Fantasy Football be the solution to this pesky Global Warming everyone seems to be talking about?).  My sleep is deeper as I dream of fantastic 100 yard rushing days from my RB2 and multiple 60 yard field goals from my kicker.  These are FACTS!

Check out or draft order (randomly assigned...I swear...no really, it is completely random):

1.		Muslim Sisterhood
2.		The Warriors
3.		Thunderhorses
4.		Marshall
5.		The Mayhem!
6.		TheFightingFighters
7.		The Ex Presidents
8.		God Hearts Sackbags
9.		TheGreenpointAttack
10.		The Buck Nasty
11.		The SwineFlu
12.		Brew City Bombers

So get to doing some mock drafts so you can know what the fuck you are doing come Draft Day.  Mock drafts can be found HERE.

Note:  the Gillemonsters are gone but not forgotten.  Just kidding.  They are forgotten.  God Hearts SackBags and TheGreenpointAttack weren't smart enough to get out when the getting was good, so they are back for another year.  Hopefully these two won't be as complacent as they were in 2012, hunting for bucket fulls of losses and bushels of heartache.  They are not gone but are still just as forgotten.  But, who knows, maybe 2013 can be the year for one of these two floundering franchises.  One never knows, does one?

Now is the time for us to welcome our newest ChopStar Nationer -- Eric Peterson.  Eric is more often than not called Pete, which has nothing to do with his last name and everything to do with his gigantic penis, which is called The Master Peter by his wife and one of his two mistresses.  The other mistress simple calls it The Devastator.  MORE FACTS!  Pete hails from somewhere in the middle of nowhere Illinois and now lives in Chicago.  That's all you need to know:  big penis and now living in Chicago is our coach of The Ex Presidents.  We welcome him with open arms.  And now after that short love fest, we all must get very busy in destroying his team, slowly killing his spirit throughout the year, one win at a time.  That's what we do.  Bees buzz, birds sing, Nationers come to PLAY.  Hang in there, Pete.  You are in for a bumpy ride.  But you couldn't be in better company.

Live Draft date is Sunday, September 1, 2013 at 5:00 in the p.m. Eastern Time.  Chili (with MEAT in honor of Pete) will be served at the ChopStar Nation headquarters, so if you're in the Chicagoland area that weekend, stop on by and get your grub on before you draft your team.  Fun times. 

Looking forward to, at the very least, not being second to last this year.  Let's GET IT ON!

Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

Week 5 - Sad Times for the Nasty

Nationers, we here at the ChopStar Nation love you all, but we are biased toward one team in particular -- The Buck Nasty.  We like their moxie.  We like their spunk.  We like their patriotic avatars.  Most of all we think their coach is extremely charming.  All that being said, it is with heavy hearts that we here at the HQ have to admit that The Buck Nasty sucks.  They just can't seem to get it together.  They want to win, but then they almost always lose.  It is what it must feel like to be wake up in the morning, scratch your balls, and remember you are Billy Cueto.  Crushing.  Devastating.

But we here at the Nation are a community.  When one wins, we all win.  When one losses, we all lose.  That being said, when Marshall wins, it is a grand day for all of us to rejoice.  And not only did they win in Week 4, they KILLED it.  They would have beat everybody.  No, not just every team in the ChopStar Nation, they would have beat everybody in every league.  They put on a masterful display of strength, poise, and perseverance.  When Marshall wins, we all win.  Sadly, that doesn't happen too often.

Now, if only we could get Gillemonster a win.  Sadly, that happens even LESS.  There is always next year, Gillemonster, there is always next year.  The Buck Nasty is already looking forward to it.  It can't come soon enough.

This has been ETL, your CSNFFLC.

Here are our current standings:

Rank	Team	W-L-T
Division 1
2.	God Hearts SackBags	3-1-0
4.	TheFightingFighters	2-2-0
5.	Marshall	2-2-0
6.	The SwineFlu	2-2-0
7.	Person of God	2-2-0
11.	The Buck Nasty	1-3-0
Division 2
1.	Brew City Bombers	4-0-0
3.	The Warriors	3-1-0
8.	The Mayhem!	2-2-0
9.	TheGreenpointAttack!	2-2-0
10.	Thunderhorses	1-3-0
12.	Gillemonster	0-4-0

Week 4 Coming 'Round the Bend

Nation, we have a problem.  I always thought of this blog as a way for us to interact.  I dreamed of it as place that would incite pages upon pages of smack talk, yo-moma jokes, and/or the periodic I-Hate-Billy-Cueto-So-Fucking-Much-That...digs.  None of this has happened.  I feel as if I am writing into a vacuum, a vacuum of, to be blunt, boring Nationers.  None of us are boring as individuals, believe me, I know, but as a collective, as a movement, as a Fantasy Football League I fear we are dull.  It hurts.  It sucks.  I blame Billy Cueto.

So it goes.

Here are your rankings, if you care.

Division 1                               W-L-T
2.    God Hearts Sackbangs     3-0-0
4.    TheFightingFighters         2-1-0
6.    The Buck Nasty                1-2-0
8.    TheSwineFlu                    1-2-0
10.  Person of God                  1-2-0
11.  Marshall                           1-2-0

Division 2
1.    Brew City Bombers          3-0-0
3.    The Warriors                     2-1-0
5.    The Mayhem!                   2-1-0
7.    Thunderhorses                  1-2-0
9.    TheGreenPointAttack!     1-2-0
12.  Gillemonster                     0-3-0

We have some wonderful, and what will more than likely turn out to be very close match-ups this week.  Both the 3-0-0 teams, God Hearts Sackbags and Brew City Bombers, battle each other for ChopStar Nation 2012 domination...at least for the first month.

Cheer-up all you 2-1-0 and 1-2-0 teams, and even you 0-3-0 team, for the season is still young and it is still anyone's game.  You can still be in this to win it.  You're still boring as fuck, but we can work on that too.

Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

Week 1 Recap, Week 2 Predictions

We here at the Nation's HQ can't lie: we're a bit drunk, needing some sweet booze to help take a bit of the sting out of tough Week 1 for us.  Defying all expectations and predictions, The Buck Nasty lost in Week 1.  Lost to an autopicked sad-sack, no less.  Who would have thought Chicago's geriatric DEF would actually play well?  Not us.  Young buck, Andy Luck, sure did suck.  So it goes.

Six teams won, six teams lost.  So it still goes.  Things divide pretty slickly here after the first week, the top six rankings won last weekend, while the last six rankings all lost.  Things will get more complicated next week.  Promise.

Here our rankings after Week 1:

1. The Swine Flu
2. Thunderhorses
3. The FightingFighters
4. The Warriors
5. Brew City Bombers
6. God Hearts Sackbags
7. TheGreenpointAttack!
8. Gillemonster
9. The Buck Nasty
10. The Mayhem!
11. Marshall
12. Person of God

Now, let's take a look at our Week 2 match-ups.  This is what we have to look forward to:

The Swine Flu vs. Marshall:  It is our league leader versus, well versus Marshall.  Leaving Marshawn Lynch on the bench was a mistake in Week 1 that Marshall will not likely repeat, which, along with Pierre Garcon and a more useful Wes Welker, could be just what the Marshalls will need to make it to 1-1 for the season.  But, the Flu's monster WR corps might just have something to say about that.  Flu's receivers will play well, but we at the Nation HQ think the Flu's running backs will be lucky to combine to make one Lynch, thus giving Marshall their first win and The Swine Flu their first loss.

The Warriors vs. Thunderhorses:  The battle for #2 versus #4.  Thunderhorses will have to bench Fred Jackson this week, leaving them with conundrum of who to start:  Greene, Benson, or Bush.  Last weeks smart money would have been on Bush, but betting on Chicago's RB2 is always a bit iffy.  The Nation votes for Greene, but we also voted for Nader*, so what do we know?  The Warriors bench is thin, so they really have no one to reach back for, so they will most likely roll the dice with the team Yahoo autopicked for them, so close your eyes, plug your nose, and start praying Philip Rivers plays more like a true top ten QB.  Prediction: Thunderhorses come away with win number two, and take over the first place in the ChopStar Nation.

TheFightingFighters vs. Person of God:  Let's face it, Person of God pretty much stinks.  Adrian Peterson sitting on the bench last week did not do them any favors.  Leaving two WRs with record weeks on the bench didn't help either.  These are problems that will probably not be repeated this week.  Luckily just making one of these replacements should be enough to make this into a game.  It will be the battle of the #1 Tight End (Graham) vs. the #2 Tight End (Gronkowski).  We give the win for Week 2 to Person of God.  How can we vote against a Person of God, even if, like we said before, they stink?

Brew City Bombers vs. TheGreenpointAttack!:  TheGreenpointers lost Week 1 in a real nail-biter.  Their bench is thin, but their starting line-up is mighty, so with no injuries to speak of and Peyton Manning looking...well, like Peyton Manning, they should make little changes in who they play in Week 2.  The Bombers should get a healthier and more active TE Witten in Week 2, so they may look to put him in.  CJ Spiller may put up some outstanding numbers again, so they may look to get him into the game.  Their are a lot of questions here and we do not envy the coach of the Bombers and their many decisions.  Either way, we think The Bombers receivers will out-perform their opponents yet again and roll on to go 2-0 after Week 2.

God Hearts Sackbags vs. The Buck Nasty:  League leading Matty Ryan was pretty much solely responsible for the Sackbags victory last week.  Greg Little's goose-egg didn't help.  Luckily, for the Sackbags they have the old-man, Randy Moss, to fall back to.  For The Buck Nasty, their hate-hate relationship with Chris Johnson has already started.  The lamenting of that first round pick started earlier than any of us thought possible.  This one is a bit of crap-shoot, but we here at the Nation can't vote against ourselves, even if we have to vote against something that God may actually love...all being said...The Buck Nasty licks their wounds after a dismal Week 1 and stomp on the Sackbags in record breaking fashion.  Apologies to God in advance.

Gillemonster vs. The Mayhem!:  8th place vs. 10th place.  What will happen with these two?  Lucky for the Gillemonsters that they get Ryan Matthews back...supposedly.  That will help.  Mark Ingram seems to not like playing professional football very much, so getting him out of their starting line-up as quickly as possible can be nothing but helpful.  And The Mayhem!...oh, The Mayhem!.  It is like all your WRs want to play like Mark Ingram.  They suck.  Just saying.  Ryan Matthews, Tony Romo and a little running back that goes by the name of Matt Forte will be just enough for Gillemonster to overcome The Mayhem!, despite The Mayhem!'s money RBs.  Just saying, again.

So their you have it, Week 2 in a nutshell.  All Nationers, please be sure to go HERE to do your weekly League Pick 'Em votes.  You need to do this before the Chicago Bears play Green Bay's Packers this Thursday night.

This has been E. Tyler Lindvall, your CSNFFLC.  Peace!!!

* Just joking, it would have been fucking crazy to vote for Nader, right?

League Pick'em

Hello Nation,

Good morning.  Today is the start of our 2012 campaigns for the championship.  Dry your tears of anticipation.  Buck up.  This is going to be fun.

Another fun thing Yahoo Fantasy Football has greatly improved upon is the weekly voting for who you think will win each match-up.  Be sure to do this.  It is fun.  They will keep track of your picks and evaluate your ability at predicting how often The Buck Nasty will thump each of you week after week.  You need to make your picks today for week 1.

Go HERE to make your picks for week 1.  Best of luck.

Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

The Day After...

Well, Nationers, it is Labor Day, better known as the Day After the 2012 ChopStar Nation Live Online Draft.  There was an unprecedented lack of participation this year.  Only five online drafters bothered to log in.  Thanks to Marshall, Thunderhorses (logging in from vacation, no less), TheSwineFlu, and the Gillemonsters for joining me last night.  Apparently, there was some confusion about the Central Time versus Eastern Time for our one drafter up in Milwaukee, so the Brew City Bombers stormed in late and quickly stormed back out, but he will soon be thanking the autopicking gods for LeSean McCoy and Julio Jones.  But, where was our Austin drafter?  Where were our Brooklyn boys?  We now have a guy out in Queens, and he was nowhere to be found.  To be fair, they may not have the internet out in Queens yet, so he could have been rushing his way back to Brooklyn, desperately trying to log on.  Who knows?  Apparently our LA drafters were working, which is suspect, because I was recently out in LA and it seemed to me that no one worked out there.  Beach bums galore.

Anyway, let's all move onward and upward.  Let's hope our missing brothers in the draft are happy with their computer picked teams, or at the very least they can step up and make some trades and do some drops/adds to customize their teams into something they can grow to love.

The New York City Giants play the Dallas Cowboys this Wednesday, thus kicking off another wonderful year in the ChopStar Nation.  Enjoy.

Log on and check out your team HERE.  Let me know if you have any questions.

This had been ETL your CSNFFLC.

The 2012 Campaign Begins...NOW!!!

Good morning, Nationers.  It is a lovely day here in the ChopStar Nation.  Pre-Season football has started.  Regular Season football is less than a month away.  Things are progressing nicely.  Fantasy Football is here again.  Our Live Online Draft is scheduled for Sunday, September 2, 2012 at 7:30 in the p.m. Eastern Time.  Set your clocks.  Make a note in your calendar.  Who gets Mark Sanchez this year is going to make some news.  Do a MOCK DRAFT so you know what the fuck you are doing.  Email me with any questions or concerns.

Everyone is registered.  Thank you for that.  Very few have paid their $20 dues, but there will be much more complaining about that later on.  Our draft order has been set.  Randomly, I might add.

Here it is:

1.		The SwineFlu
2.		The Mayhem!
3.		The Warriors
4.		Brew City Bombers
5.		Thunderhorses
6.		God Hearts Sackbags
7.		TheGreenpointAttack!*
8.		The Buck Nasty
9.		Person of God
10.		Gillemonster
11.		TheFightingFighters
12.		Marshall

 Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

* One can only assume that this team name will change to something like TheJacksonHeightsBallers or TheQueensOfQueens or something like that.

The 2011 ChopStar Nation Wrap-up

2012 is new and fresh.  2011 is not the distant memory we had hoped for, but it will behind us soon enough.  It should be said that here in the Nation 2011 was the year of sick pigs and chaos, for our 2011 Champ is none other than The SwineFlu.  Congrats.  You deserve it.  The bigger surprise is our runner-up: The Mayhem!.  2nd place is better than any of us would have ever predicted at the start of the season.  Both of these teams are worthy winners (or almost winners).  Congrats coaches.

Admittedly, this was a rather lame year in the ChopStar Nation and we have no one to blame but our CSNFFLC...now, now...I know what you are thinking, "Come on, Commish, don't be so hard on yourself."  And maybe you are right.  We all kind of sucked.  The banter was thin.  The camaraderie was even thinner.  The posting on the blog was pathetic, if it there was any at all.  The truth be told, it was ill-conceived to move of our headquarters in the middle of the season.  That was dumb.  That will not happen again.  Next year will be better.

Speaking of lame: two of you deadbeats still owe me $20 for your ChopStar Nation dues.  If your name is Farooq or Manuel, than you owe me $20 and I hate you.  Please pay my PAYPAL account, using chopstar06@mac.com, immediately, because, you know, it really is kind of bullshit.

Let me leave you all with the immortal words of our own coach of TheFightingFighters: "I hate you all. Yet I love you all." That sums up ChopStar Nation to a tee I think.

Until August...

E. Tyler Lindvall
CSNFFLC

ChopStar Nation Week 2 Wrap-Up

Quite the shake-up for Week 2 in Division 1 in the ChopStar Nation.  Every team in that division that won in Week 1 lost, and every team in that division that lost in Week 1 won, leaving us with all six teams in Division 1 with a 1-1 record.  Odd indeed.  Luckily with this oddness comes some common sense: The Buck Nasty has filtered itself right to the top of the Division.  All seems a little more right in the world seeing that glorious team at the top of their Division.

Meanwhile in Division 2, arguably the stronger of the two divisions, The Sexecutioner hangs onto the fourth spot in the Nation with its 1-1 record, with both TheFightingFighters and Gillemonsters taking the top two spots in the Division with their perfect records. 

It is still early, Nationers, so don't get hung up if your record is 0-2 (Marshall or Brew City Bombers), but one CSNFFLC can't help but notice and then help but say that Fantasy Football is a fluid and every changing game, so if your team sucks (Marshall or The Mayhem! or ______) then you need to get active and drop your duds, draft some studs, look at match-ups and pick up Free Agents accordingly and in general participate.   Every week is a new week in the ChopStar Nation.

Just saying.

ETL
CSNFFLC

Week 2 Match-Ups in the ChopStar Nation

It's week two in the Nation.  I have decided to be like all zen and shit and forget that week one even happened.  This sometimes works, sometimes doesn't.  Okay, it rarely works, but time does move on and if The Buck Nasty does happen to beat the GreenpointAttack! this week, all could be right in the world yet again.  I have low expectations though.  My frayed and frazzled emotions would completely shatter if I came into this week all cocky and then lost to some guy who lives in fucking Greenpoint.  I mean this guy lives in Greenpoint Brooklyn like on purpose.  He likes it.  He wants to move soon...but to another place in fucking Greenpoint.  It is tough to take a guy like this seriously, in Fantasy Football or in other less important things.

Okay, rant is over.  Let's look at our other match-ups.

Our scrappy upstart teams, The Mayhem! and TheFightingFighters both came out of week one with wins and now find themselves head to head in week two.  Truth be told, they are pretty evenly matched.  Fighters have lame RBs.  Mayhem! have lame WRs.  Really fucking lame WRs.  All in all, this will come down to the Fighters QB (Aaron Rodgers) and their DEF (a scrappy little team called Baltimore) wiping up the floor with The Mayhem!, leaving little bits of Billy Cueto all over the place.  Yuck.

Marshall wants to sell their team.  And they should.  The problem is that their team is so shitty that no one wants to buy them.  So, what's the coach of Marshall to do?  First, you bench Steven Jackson as he is not likely to play.  Second, you put in Bennie Wells and you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that Bennie Wells plays like the player he was always suppose to be.  And lastly, if you are the coach of Marshall, you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that the Gillemonster's one-two punch of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant get mono and have to stay in bed all weekend.  Good luck coach, you're going to need it.

The SwineFlu! couldn't find a suitable trade for Drew Brees, I guess.  At least Drew Brees is his starter still.  They will need him.  The Warriors are riding high after their win last week...Wes Welker is still running.  They still have Peyton Manning on the bench, with Schaub filling in at QB.  He and his WR Andre Johnson will probably eat up Miami's DEF, so the Flu will get no love there.  The Flu's only real hope is that the Bears play as strong as they did last week -- on both sides of the ball -- which will kill the Warriors DEF.  The Flu needs to buck up their RB corps and hope that their WRs actually come out to play this week.  I have faith in SwineFlu!, just not this week.  Maybe week three will be your week...wait, oops, you play the Nasty in week three.  Just sit back and rest until week four...that will be your week...promise.

After the embarrassing loss to Mayhem! -- sorry Mayhem!, but any loss to you will be embarrassing for all of us -- the Brew City Bombers are going to be coming out swinging this week.  The Sexecutioners lost in a squeaker last week too, and they want to come out swinging, but it looks more like they will be lucky to land a limp-wristed slap, which will probably do little more than hurt their hand.  Okay, that may be overstating the Sex position, but I liked the simile and wanted to run with it.  Actually this match will be close.  My prediction...I think....I believe...wait for it...the Bombers will get their first win, leaving the Sex with nothing more than a bum hand and a limp dick.  BOOM!  Suck it.

This just in -- the SackBags have benched their first round pick.  It's true.  Mark Sanchez is on the bench.  So, let's take a look at which other handsome Latino the SackBags have found to lead their team at QB...oh, that's funny...they have put in Matt Stafford, the second whitest man in football.  Latino power is at an all time low here in the Nation.  Stafford finds green peppers to be too spicy...true story.  And his celebratory end-zone post touchdown dance is the worst Robot I've ever seen.  Sad now.  But, wait.  There is hope...Latino hope here in the Nation.  The Thunderhorses have Julio Jones as their WR3.  JULIO, JULIO, JULIO!!!!  I'm choosing to believe that there is some Latin blood coursing through a guy named Julio.  I will not research this further.  I am going to just believe, because isn't being Latino really a state of mind...whoops, no, now I'm being told that to be a Latino you have to be a person of Latin-American or Spanish-speaking descent and it really has nothing to do with a state of mind.  Sad again.  Anyway, I give this match-up to the Thunderhorses, our one and only team with at least one guy with hot Latin blood running through him, or is at least named after someone with hot Latin blood running through him, which is good enough for me.

There you have it.  Week two match-ups here in the ChopStar Nation.  Enjoy.  Oh, and the whitest guy in football...Tiki Barber.  Easy.

Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC

Week 1 Recap

This was a wild one.  Nothing was more crazy than The Warriors beating The Buck Nasty.  Well, that isn't true.  The fact that God Hearts SackBags came within 10 points of beating GreenpointAttack! was probably the craziest thing to have happen.  Six winners, six losers.  Here's what happened:

Wes Welker led the Warriors as they put a little baby spanking on the Buck Nasty.  No kicker and lame DEF seems to hurt more than you'd expect.

Marshall has decided to suck, a lot.  And the FightingFighters have decided to be good this year.  Who knew this was going to happen, or even be possible?  A good kicker and terrible DEF is Marshall.  A bad kicker and good DEF is the Fighters.  And, no surprise, a good DEF will always trump a good kicker.  Keep your head up Marshall.  Love is all around.

Gillemonsters squeaked past the Sexecutioners with the Tony Romo and Dez Bryant one-two punch.  Killer production by Kenny Britt and MJD was just not enough for the Sex.  I have it on good authority that the Sex's loss was almost as satisfying to the GreenpointAttack as their own victory over the Sackbags.  But, to be honest, it is kind hard to feel very good about beating the Sackbags.  Sanchez did okay though.  Latino power.

The battle for supremacy in Chicago wasn't really much of a battle.  The Flu infected themselves with mediocracy and an all around poor showing by each player except for the QB and DEF.  Meanwhile, pretty much every player on Thunderhorse squad came to motherfucking play.  The SwineFlu has dusted themselves off, recruited some new blood, and put Drew Brees on the trading block.  So you people with a shitty QB, get in there and offer this guy a trade before Jay Cutler has a shitty week and the SwineFlu coach realizes that Brees is too good to give up.

Lastly, The Mayhem! came to play.  Look at Billy Cueto and his first win.  He's so cute and cuddly.  His running backs killed, and his QB made up for his WRs pretty much sucking.  The Bombers were hurt by Mendenhall's terrible play and Green Bay's DEF being uber lackluster.  Next week Bombers, there is always next week.

So that was Week 1.  I pretty much hated it, but I am trying to stay optimistic.  Week 2 preview will be posted later in the week, so be on the look out.

ETL
CSNFFLC

Week 1 Match-Ups Part 2

Here we go again.  ChopStar Nation Week 1 Match-Ups Part 2.  NFL starts tomorrow in Green Bay, where our own Sara Gilley will be.  Maybe she can take some photos and we can post them here.  Just saying.  Tell Aaron Rodgers "hi."

Now let's look at our three other match-ups for this week.


The SwineFlu vs. Thunderhorses.  The battle for Chicago supremacy will be over once I get there, so this match-up is key for who will be in second place for the remainder of the year.  Who will be number 2 in Chicago?  SwineFlu come sprinting out of the gate with Drew Brees as QB, then we look down and see not one, not two, but three mediocre WRs, sad but true.  But there is hope in there monster RB crew of Greene on the Jets and Blount on Bucs.  These two go together nicely.  Questions plague the Thunderhorses as well.  Will Greg Jennings have a good year with Finley back.  Will Arian Foster repeat his performance of last year, or is he a Fantasy Football one-hit wonder?  All in all, this will shake out with a Thunderhorse win, but it will closer than what Yahoo predicts.

TheGreenpointAttack! vs. God Hearts Sackbags.  Let's go Sanchez!  Let's go Sanchez!  Actually, it is tough for me admit, but I think Sanchez will have a decent week this week if avoids turnovers, so the QB pointer will probably lean over to the Sackbags this week...what...oh wait...GreenpointAttack has Vick?  Okay, fuck that.  Vick will kill Sanchez, and then he will go back in time and kill Sanchez's father so Mark Sanchez will have never existed, leaving the Sackbags with no QB at all.  Luckily for the Sackbags, both teams WRs are equally good, but not great, just good.  Unluckily for the Sackbags, the Attack's RBs are both twice their RBs.  Seriously, Heartbags, who the fuck did you draft in early rounds?  Oh, that's right, the soon-to-be-never-have-existed Mark Sanchez.  That was funny.  Anyway, GreenpointAttack will slaughter the Sackbags this week and probably any other week they play them.

The Mayhem! vs. Brew City Bombers.   The Mayhem!'s coach came into this season with guns a blazing.  It was just too bad his energy wasn't better spent on draft day.  Seriously, if it weren't for God Hearts Sackbags, The Mayhem! would be the one we were all making fun of on draft day.  We will all be making fun of him for the rest of the year as Eli Manning fumbles and throws picks, Percy Harvin gets headaches, Roy Williams dies of old age, and Darren McFadden and Michael Turner each get injured from overuse.  But if The Mayhem! wants to get a win, this could be the week for them.  Both RBs on the Bombers have a lot to prove, especially Matthews.  And Green Bay's DEF could get crushed by a hungry Saints offense.  Mayhem! could really come out of this week with a win, but they won't.  I wish I could say it will be close, but it won't be.  Rest easy Mayhemers!, next year is only 12 short months away.

There you have it.  Our Week 1 forecast.  Be sure to go to each Match-Up page and vote for who you think will win...I am looking for full participation this year.

Keep the comments coming.  And click on an ad.  We need beer here at HQ.

Cheers,

ETL
CSNFFLC