Here we are going into Week 1 of the ChopStar Nation. Fall is coming and we will be as close as we will ever get to heaven on Earth when Thursday night comes and they kick-off the 2011 NFL season, with the Green Bay Packers hosting the New Orleans Saints. Big game, with big implications. But, before that, let's take a look at the first three Week 1 match-ups we have here in the Nation.
Look for our scouting report on the other three match-ups in the ChopStar Nation tomorrow.
The Buck Nasty vs. The Warriors. The Warriors have already stumbled out of the starting blocks with their beloved Peyton Manning sitting on the bench, leaving them to start the perfectly-competent-but-still-no-Peyton-Manning Matt Schaub at QB. This was a blow, but not a death blow. On the other side of the field, we have a young and invigorated Nasty team with Josh Freeman at the helm. The Nasty has assembled a pretty group of young and not so young men to surround Freeman, none more so then what we predict to be the monster Jimmy Graham at TE. All in all, The Warriors will be lucky to walk away without being completely slaughtered. If no one on The Warriors dies, they should consider Week 1 not a total loss.
Gillemonster vs. The Sexecutioner. The Monsters feel so good about their team that they feel it unnecessary to field a kicker. That is some balls on those Monsters. It probably doesn't matter too much, as the monster RB combo of MJD and A. Peterson will be this week, and every week after, the backbone of The Sexecutioners. Vincent Jackson ain't bad either...he is no Calvin Johnson, but he ain't bad. With our without a kicker on the Gillemonster team, things are leaning decisively toward being a Sexy week in Week 1.
Marsahll vs. TheFightingFighters. Wow! Aaron Rodgers looks to be almost twice the man of Matt Ryan, or, at least, twice the QB. Can this be? That seems a little much. But we will see. It looks to this humble CSNFFLC that Yahoo is giving a little too much credit to the great-white-hope, Peyton Hillis, over there on the Fighters, but he is strong and fast, especially at the beginning of the season, so maybe they are not too off. Maybe Marshall will dump one of their extraneous QBs and find a better WR, or maybe they will just put in Malcom Floyd and let Malcom Floyd be Malcom Floyd. Either way, this match-up will be closer than Yahoo predicts, but still the nod goes to TheFightingFighters to get the win here.
That's our first three match-ups for the Week 1. Come back tomorrow to see what the CSNFFLC thinks of our other three match-ups.
On a personal note, I just want to tell all of you in the Nation how touched I am with you leaving comments, and bantering, and smack talking, and in general making this a community of people that joined together to have fun and banter and smack talk and communicate with one another. Oh wait, none of that is happening. I am fucking talking to myself here. Is this going out to some sort of Al Gore internet vacuums. Does anyone give a shit? Because we here at the ChopStar Nation headquarters are starting to feel unappreciated and unloved.
So, fuck you.
ETL
CSNFFLC
5 comments:
Not to quibble, but I think the "backbone of The Sexecutioners" is now and forever more...viagra!
[rimshot!]
Thanks everybody! Enjoy the veal!
But seriously, friends, I hate The Sexecutioners. I hated them when the were the ArchBishops and I hated them when they were...whatever they were three years ago. And that's something, I think, we all can rally around—a burning, never-dying hatred for The Sexecutioners.
With the exception of their fine new name -- for, who among us can say that they have not at least once dreamed of their demise coming from being fucked to death by a sexecutioner? -- I find little to nothing to love in these Sexecutioners. Their coach owes me $20, and a guest blog post, and they stole the ChopStar Nation championship last year. There, I said it. It needed to be said. I am glad I said it. They stole it.
So, yes, CPD, I will get on this train of hatred with you. All aboard.
Hate the game not the playa son!
And ETL: how's about this, you deduct that $20 from my winnings. Just as you did last year, and you should have done the year before when your commishineptitude screwed me outta even more filthy lucre...
Also, one slight correction: the Sexecutioner does not fuck anyone to death. The Sexecutioner merely "sexes" them to death. Imagine a Prince, R. Kelly, Maxwell and D'Angelo clustefuck and you'll get the idea...
I hate those fucking Fighting Fighters. You know why? Because I WANTED Aaron Rodgers. And you know why I didn't GET Aaron Rodgers? Because the fucking Fighting Fighters auto-selected and Aaron Fucking Rodgers was the next guy up. So the Fighting motherfucking Fighters didn't even properly CHOOSE Aaron Rodgers. Like I would have. Lovingly, and with purpose and intent. So the Fighting Fuckbag Fighters have my QB and I have stupid douchey Matt Ryan or one of my other eleven QBs to put in. Fighting Fuckwad Fighters? I am coming after you with great vengeance. Or you may give me Aaron Rodgers by tomorrow and then we can once again be friends.
Love,
Coach Marshall
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