It's week two in the Nation. I have decided to be like all zen and shit and forget that week one even happened. This sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. Okay, it rarely works, but time does move on and if The Buck Nasty does happen to beat the GreenpointAttack! this week, all could be right in the world yet again. I have low expectations though. My frayed and frazzled emotions would completely shatter if I came into this week all cocky and then lost to some guy who lives in fucking Greenpoint. I mean this guy lives in Greenpoint Brooklyn like on purpose. He likes it. He wants to move soon...but to another place in fucking Greenpoint. It is tough to take a guy like this seriously, in Fantasy Football or in other less important things.
Okay, rant is over. Let's look at our other match-ups.
Our scrappy upstart teams, The Mayhem! and TheFightingFighters both came out of week one with wins and now find themselves head to head in week two. Truth be told, they are pretty evenly matched. Fighters have lame RBs. Mayhem! have lame WRs. Really fucking lame WRs. All in all, this will come down to the Fighters QB (Aaron Rodgers) and their DEF (a scrappy little team called Baltimore) wiping up the floor with The Mayhem!, leaving little bits of Billy Cueto all over the place. Yuck.
Marshall wants to sell their team. And they should. The problem is that their team is so shitty that no one wants to buy them. So, what's the coach of Marshall to do? First, you bench Steven Jackson as he is not likely to play. Second, you put in Bennie Wells and you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that Bennie Wells plays like the player he was always suppose to be. And lastly, if you are the coach of Marshall, you hope, you pray, you get on your knees and hope and pray that the Gillemonster's one-two punch of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant get mono and have to stay in bed all weekend. Good luck coach, you're going to need it.
The SwineFlu! couldn't find a suitable trade for Drew Brees, I guess. At least Drew Brees is his starter still. They will need him. The Warriors are riding high after their win last week...Wes Welker is still running. They still have Peyton Manning on the bench, with Schaub filling in at QB. He and his WR Andre Johnson will probably eat up Miami's DEF, so the Flu will get no love there. The Flu's only real hope is that the Bears play as strong as they did last week -- on both sides of the ball -- which will kill the Warriors DEF. The Flu needs to buck up their RB corps and hope that their WRs actually come out to play this week. I have faith in SwineFlu!, just not this week. Maybe week three will be your week...wait, oops, you play the Nasty in week three. Just sit back and rest until week four...that will be your week...promise.
After the embarrassing loss to Mayhem! -- sorry Mayhem!, but any loss to you will be embarrassing for all of us -- the Brew City Bombers are going to be coming out swinging this week. The Sexecutioners lost in a squeaker last week too, and they want to come out swinging, but it looks more like they will be lucky to land a limp-wristed slap, which will probably do little more than hurt their hand. Okay, that may be overstating the Sex position, but I liked the simile and wanted to run with it. Actually this match will be close. My prediction...I think....I believe...wait for it...the Bombers will get their first win, leaving the Sex with nothing more than a bum hand and a limp dick. BOOM! Suck it.
This just in -- the SackBags have benched their first round pick. It's true. Mark Sanchez is on the bench. So, let's take a look at which other handsome Latino the SackBags have found to lead their team at QB...oh, that's funny...they have put in Matt Stafford, the second whitest man in football. Latino power is at an all time low here in the Nation. Stafford finds green peppers to be too spicy...true story. And his celebratory end-zone post touchdown dance is the worst Robot I've ever seen. Sad now. But, wait. There is hope...Latino hope here in the Nation. The Thunderhorses have Julio Jones as their WR3. JULIO, JULIO, JULIO!!!! I'm choosing to believe that there is some Latin blood coursing through a guy named Julio. I will not research this further. I am going to just believe, because isn't being Latino really a state of mind...whoops, no, now I'm being told that to be a Latino you have to be a person of Latin-American or Spanish-speaking descent and it really has nothing to do with a state of mind. Sad again. Anyway, I give this match-up to the Thunderhorses, our one and only team with at least one guy with hot Latin blood running through him, or is at least named after someone with hot Latin blood running through him, which is good enough for me.
There you have it. Week two match-ups here in the ChopStar Nation. Enjoy. Oh, and the whitest guy in football...Tiki Barber. Easy.
Cheers,
ETL
CSNFFLC
1 comment:
Why you gotta hate on the Sexes?
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